First, let me say thank you for all your prayers and support. I am much better today than in my last post. We lost our Internet service when the big storm came through Tuesday night and just got it back yesterday. So, I haven't been wallering (you know, like a pig wallers in the mud?) around in defeat all week, I've just been unplugged.
Eating has been OK. Not my best few days, but most certainly not my worst. It is clear, however, that my emotions weigh far to heavily in my food choices. Seriously, when you have a day like I did on Tuesday, who wants grilled chicken and salad? Not me! I actually even ate a bowl of ice cream last night. I convinced myself it was to soothe my scratchy throat. Oh the lies I tell myself!
Exercise hasn't been at all. Between doctor appointments and trying to maintain sanity it just hasn't happened. I think I am lacking more in this area than in others right now and I know self-discipline is what is needed. Good thing self-control is part of the Fruit of the Spirit!
Clutter Control has consisted of not returning to the chaos that preceded Viv's party and keeping up with laundry. Today I have to de-clutter my suburban so I can pick up some friends for the ladies' retreat. (I'll be gone tonight and tomorrow)
Spiritual Development.....as always, God is so good. Although Satan tried hard to take advantage of my down spirits on Tuesday, God worked through some friends to help pull me up so I'm at least doggy-paddling again! A special thank you to Kara who reminded me that God made Tripp exactly the way he is so there is clearly nothing "wrong" with him. She also reminded me that on my knees is where I will find the answers I'm searching for. Another thank you to my mom who was able to help me make sense of the MANY quirky thing Tripp does enough to at least help me put together a more coherent list of "concerns" to go talk to the doctor about. (In case you are wondering, this goes beyond just the poop thing. Tripp has other "habits" that can be a little concerning when in context with all his other behaviors) And lastly, another thank you to Irene for talking to me like the intelligent person I know I am (not the helpless lump I felt like on Tuesday) and reminding me that I take good care of my children and I am not going to "screw up" (my words, not hers) my son.
On top of all that, God did some more work on me. I can only imagine that He must have thought, "Since I have you here on your knees regarding your son, let's go ahead and work on this other issue you are having." Perhaps even thinking He better hit me while He had my attention, since it could be a while before I humbled myself and admitted my total dependence on him again. So, he took me to Luke 15. The Prodigal Son. It was the passage in my quiet time yesterday, and then when I read in my Sheila Walsh book she focused on the same passage! What I learned was that even though I started my journey home several years ago, and even though God ran to me and carried my all the way home, I've been stopping the party. My refusal to let go of sins and mistakes and stinkin' thinkin' regarding forgiveness and worthiness has delayed a celebration. So, today, I say get the party started! I realized that God forgave me so long ago that holding on has only kept me from participating in the party of my life. I've got my dancin' shoes on now though and I'm ready to be free. I know I'll probably get some blisters on my feet along the way, but it's time to stop putting God in a box and let Him have the celebration He wants to. A celebration that I am worthy of because of the blood of Christ. He has washed me cleaned and clothed my in a pure white wedding gown. I am humbled and grateful and baffled and a wee bit excited. The only thing that makes a party better is friends, so I hope some of you can join me as I learn to embrace the celebration I never thought I deserved.
And one last blessing before I go. I had to put my suburban in the shop thinking it was going to be a HUGE bill when it was all better. In reality it was less than $200. God blesses in the details and I'm starting to see it's all part of the celebration. I'll be gone to the retreat so I won't post until Sunday. Have a great weekend!