Friday, April 27, 2007

God is so Good

First, let me say thank you for all your prayers and support. I am much better today than in my last post. We lost our Internet service when the big storm came through Tuesday night and just got it back yesterday. So, I haven't been wallering (you know, like a pig wallers in the mud?) around in defeat all week, I've just been unplugged.

Eating has been OK. Not my best few days, but most certainly not my worst. It is clear, however, that my emotions weigh far to heavily in my food choices. Seriously, when you have a day like I did on Tuesday, who wants grilled chicken and salad? Not me! I actually even ate a bowl of ice cream last night. I convinced myself it was to soothe my scratchy throat. Oh the lies I tell myself!

Exercise hasn't been at all. Between doctor appointments and trying to maintain sanity it just hasn't happened. I think I am lacking more in this area than in others right now and I know self-discipline is what is needed. Good thing self-control is part of the Fruit of the Spirit!

Clutter Control has consisted of not returning to the chaos that preceded Viv's party and keeping up with laundry. Today I have to de-clutter my suburban so I can pick up some friends for the ladies' retreat. (I'll be gone tonight and tomorrow)

Spiritual always, God is so good. Although Satan tried hard to take advantage of my down spirits on Tuesday, God worked through some friends to help pull me up so I'm at least doggy-paddling again! A special thank you to Kara who reminded me that God made Tripp exactly the way he is so there is clearly nothing "wrong" with him. She also reminded me that on my knees is where I will find the answers I'm searching for. Another thank you to my mom who was able to help me make sense of the MANY quirky thing Tripp does enough to at least help me put together a more coherent list of "concerns" to go talk to the doctor about. (In case you are wondering, this goes beyond just the poop thing. Tripp has other "habits" that can be a little concerning when in context with all his other behaviors) And lastly, another thank you to Irene for talking to me like the intelligent person I know I am (not the helpless lump I felt like on Tuesday) and reminding me that I take good care of my children and I am not going to "screw up" (my words, not hers) my son.

On top of all that, God did some more work on me. I can only imagine that He must have thought, "Since I have you here on your knees regarding your son, let's go ahead and work on this other issue you are having." Perhaps even thinking He better hit me while He had my attention, since it could be a while before I humbled myself and admitted my total dependence on him again. So, he took me to Luke 15. The Prodigal Son. It was the passage in my quiet time yesterday, and then when I read in my Sheila Walsh book she focused on the same passage! What I learned was that even though I started my journey home several years ago, and even though God ran to me and carried my all the way home, I've been stopping the party. My refusal to let go of sins and mistakes and stinkin' thinkin' regarding forgiveness and worthiness has delayed a celebration. So, today, I say get the party started! I realized that God forgave me so long ago that holding on has only kept me from participating in the party of my life. I've got my dancin' shoes on now though and I'm ready to be free. I know I'll probably get some blisters on my feet along the way, but it's time to stop putting God in a box and let Him have the celebration He wants to. A celebration that I am worthy of because of the blood of Christ. He has washed me cleaned and clothed my in a pure white wedding gown. I am humbled and grateful and baffled and a wee bit excited. The only thing that makes a party better is friends, so I hope some of you can join me as I learn to embrace the celebration I never thought I deserved.

And one last blessing before I go. I had to put my suburban in the shop thinking it was going to be a HUGE bill when it was all better. In reality it was less than $200. God blesses in the details and I'm starting to see it's all part of the celebration. I'll be gone to the retreat so I won't post until Sunday. Have a great weekend!

Tuesday, April 24, 2007


That's how I feel today. It was a really rough night. Viv didn't settle into sleep until nearly 2:00 this morning. She woke up with an ear and eye infection. I didn't go walk because I took her to the doctor for her well-check that turned into a "sick appointment." This afternoon Tripp played with his poop again. Paris is apparently incapable of speaking in any way other than a crying whine. I haven't had a shower. We have people coming to our house at 8:00 for a meeting. I have no plan for dinner.

Consumption: Has been so-so. We've had party food left-overs in the house so I've been eating on that. Not the healthiest, but I have been waiting on hunger.

Exercise: Went for a family walk on Sunday.

Clutter Control: Easy and I got things pretty cleaned up for Viv's party on Saturday. I'm managing to keep up fairly well in the kitchen. It's nice to see my countertops for a change!

Spiritual Development: Still reading through Luke in my morning quiet time. I did spend some time in my Sheila Walsh book yesterday while the kids were playing outside. It was nice to sit on the back porch and enjoy some of God's creation. Tripp particularly like the mud (which resembles poop, maybe there's a connection).

Please pray for me that I can keep my head above the water. Most of the time I feel like I'm just treading water, but in the last few weeks I've actually made some forward strokes. Today I feel like all that's sticking out is my nose and it's getting splashed. I know I should probably relax. All this thrashing about will only attract sharks. I know if I relax that God will not only keep me afloat, he can lift me right up. Pray that I remember that in the hard moments.

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Cath Up (sort of)

I realized this morning that I haven't posted in several days. Something occurred to me as I was fussing at myself for not doing so. It seems that each day I do well in one or two (three and a really good day) areas and sort of not so good in the others. I'm wondering if that's OK. IS it possible for me to do well in ALL areas in one day. I know the answer is yes if I'm pulling from the source of power that dwells in me. Maybe I just haven't figured out yet how to be dependent on Him. I tend to take over and do things myself. Anyway here's how I've been doing:

Consumption: The eating has been pretty good. I'm remembering now how frequently I eat little bits if I'm truly waiting for hunger and stopping at full. I had two days that I felt like I ate ALL day and was shocked the next morning to wake up and have a full-on tummy growl before 9:00 am! Hydration has been pitiful. I've had a scratchy throat (sinus yuck) so it doesn't feel good to drink much. I can tell however that it's effecting me because my rings are tight. It always amazes me how quickly I can start retaining fluid, and then how quickly I can loose it if I actually hydrate myself well.

Exercise: I walked another 3 laps at the mall with Kara & Stephanie on Thursday.

Clutter Control: It's been in spurts. I've done a lot of laundry, taken in some more shorts so they don't fall off my children. I cleaned out some of the baby implements from my kitchen to send down to me brother and his wife. (my nephew will be here very soon!!!) I monogrammed some little pouches my friend Erika made for me so I can switch to on BIG tote for the summer and still have the kid's stuff organized. I emptied, cleaned, and refilled the fish tank so Paris can get some new guppies next weekend. I've barely kept up with the kitchen. Oh, and I washed all the car seats - they were gross.

Spiritual Development: I've been in Luke all week. Chapters 10-13 mostly. I've been very convicted about the thinking on material issues deal. It's hard sometime because from a business perspective we are taught over and over to set goals, have a picture of your dream where you can see it, think about what you want to achieve as often as possible. Even in counseling I was taught to help people set goals that are physical, measurable, tangible even. It's hard to put those thoughts together without focusing on material things. Don't get me wrong. I don't think there's anything wrong with setting goal in that manner. If you don't have a measurable goal, how can you tell if you're making progress? I guess the issue I'm having is figuring out how that all goes together with what I'm getting from scripture this week. All that material stuff doesn't matter. What I truly want is to lead a Spirit led life. Ultimately I want to go home and here my Father say "well done good and faithful servant." I know that Gos puts dreams in my heart. I truly believe he was in charge of the house I'm sitting in from day one. I'm just not sure what to do with my thoughts. It's so easy to get preoccupied by the things here on earth that we forget to focus on what's really important - growing the Kingdom of God. It really sounds like I'm bashing the concept of seeking financial growth, and that's not my intent. I'm just trying to figure out how these concepts should for me in my life. What is it exactly God wants me to be doing right now? Hmmm.........I better go, I'm meeting a friend for coffee this morning (all by myself!).

Wednesday, April 18, 2007


I'm a bit late getting this posted - had a migraine last night.

Consumption: 1 XS, 1 HEB Water, 2 Dr. Peppers (migraine, remember), 1 Chocolate Cherry TAMRB, Smoked Club on Sourdough (ready-made sammie from HEB), 1 cupcake (at Ms. Jenny's surprise party), 1 pepperoni pizza Lean Pocket, 1 #2 from Jack-in-the-Box

Exercise: 3 laps at the mall with Kara & Stephanie

Clutter Control: 1 load dishes

Spiritual Development: Well, I got up when Irene called. Actually having a chat with her each morning is really helping! I got in my chair and started reading through Luke 10 & 11. An hour later I woke up with a crick in my neck. It had been a rough night with Paris getting up and trying to get in our bed more than once so I guess my body wasn't done sleeping. I did finish my quiet time int he afternoon while the kids were resting. Here' what struck me:

Luke 11:9-13 is a passage many of us are familiar with. It is the ask and it will be given, seek and you will find scripture. This is vs 9 & 10. What got me today is verse 13. " If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the holy Spirit to those who ask him." First, let me acknowledge that I am "evil." I sin. Sometimes I sin BIG. Yet, when it comes to my children something kicks in that makes me want only good things for them. In truth I would sacrifice anything for the good of my children. God made the ultimate sacrifice by offering His son for the good of all His children. I can't even imagine that. His love is simply not comprehensible to me.

The end of this verse is something I never picked up on before. I always knew the "ask and it shall be given part," but the end of 13 is very specific about what is being given. This isn't an "ask for a new car an it will be in your driveway" kind of deal. What Jesus is telling us is that the best gift God can give us is the Holy Spirit. Having grown up in a church that just didn't talk about the Spirit much, I see why I never really picked up on this. This really change show I should approach God though. I'm not really in the habit of asking God for material things, but some people are. In truth there is an entire group of Christians that would say we are supposed to ask God for any and everything we want. They take "ask and it shall..." and run with it. I think Verse 13 is the most important here. We should be asking daily that God fill us with the Holy Spirit so that it can guide us each day. Blessing will flow from that, both for us and for the people we interact with. I do believe some of those blessing will be material because God communicates with us where we are, and the truth is sometimes we need a physical answer to remind us He is there. In reality, however, it is the gift of the Holy Spirit that leads to any physical blessing. My prayer for myself and each of you today is that we remember what to ask for and have confidence knowing that God's Spirit will never lead us astray. In fact, it will lead us down the path of righteousness straight to heaven.

Monday, April 16, 2007

Monday, Monday

Consumption: 1 Cherry Blast XS, 1 HEB water, 2 cashews (I know that's random, but when Paris find one in the nut bowl she brings it to me), 1 slice of cheese, 4 Thai style Shrimp Spring Rolls, 1 Slim-a-Bear (Klondike) no sugar added ice cream sandwich, 1 turkey sandwich, a bite of cheese from Paris' plate because she said it tasted funny - it did not, and (here's the not so great part) 1/2 pint of Blue Bell Banana Pudding ice cream

Exercise: none

Clutter Control: 1 load of dishes, 2.5 loads of laundry (they're still in process), picked up all the dirty clothes from my bathroom and bedroom floor and sorted them into appropriate baskets (been needing to do that for some time, it was bad), boiled and shredded 5 lbs of boneless, skinless chicken breast and packed it in ~1 lb baggies in the freezer for future use

Spiritual Development: Had quiet time this morning at 6:15. My new rule is that I must actually TALK to Irene when she calls so that I don't treat her like my alarm clock (which I ignore on a regular basis!). I was in Luke 10 today. What I need to write about today didn't come from that quiet time though.

Saturday was a major day for me. First, Easy and I went out Friday night and had a wonderful time of conversation and relaxation (and a little exercise, but you probably don't want those details!). We talked about some of what I'm struggling with in this journey. It was great and I was able to express how I just don't know how to turn loose of some things. Saturday on the way down to my mom & dad's God released me of some things I hadn't forgiven myself for. He sent me a song via KSBJ that brought me to tears. I was glad Paris wasn't in the car asking questions. I'm horrible at knowing who sings what, but the chorus goes like this:

There's only grace
There's only love
There's only mercy and believing is enough
My sins are gone
They're all erased
There's nothing left now
There's only grace

And just like that I was released from some baggage. I cried and prayed a lot on the way down to Baytown. It was pretty amazing. Tripp and Viv just hung out completely oblivious to what God was doing in our messy suburban. Then I went to a seminar for our Internet business and was really affirmed that we are on the path we are supposed to take with that. It was a day to mark in the calendar. I was left with a new sense of peace and some excitement about taking the journey itself and not just where I'll end up.

Father, thank you for taking a ride in the big green suburban with me this weekend. Help me remember that you aren't just a passenger in my life, but that you are the driver and your directions are never wrong.

Friday, April 13, 2007

Form Break

Today's post is a break in form. I'm posting now because I have a date with my husband tonight and I don't want to interrupt our evening by coming to the computer to blog later. Today has been a true day of rest for me. Paris left yesterday evening with my mom to spend some time with her Graggie & Dadoo all by herself. This morning, my babies and I slept in. Tripp (who I should probably stop calling a baby since he's 2 1/2!) didn't get up until after 8:00! V got up about 7:30 and I let her hang out in her playpen with her milk with cartoons on while I continued snoozing on the couch. The morning passed slowly, but it was fun. I had a shower and played with my kids. We played peek-a-boo, cars, tickle war, and crawl down the hall with Vivie. The afternoon was very quiet. After V went down for her nap I snuggled with Tripp on the couch until he went to sleep and then I just relaxed. Tonight I have a date with my husband. We're going out to eat and I don't know what else. Our sitter almost canceled due to a bad headache, but I must have sounded pretty sad because she called back and we made a deal. No baths, early bedtimes, dinner already done, and I'll have them in jammies before we leave. God is good. I was nearly in tears at the thought of not going out with my hot hubby. It just seems like the perfect way to cap off what has been a day or rejuvenating rest and fun. I have missed my big princess though. We've talked on the phone 4 times today I think. She's so grown up. I knew I needed the break, but man do I miss her!!! I'll be headed to my mom's tomorrow, so I probably won't post again until Sunday. Have a great weekend everyone!!!

Thursday, April 12, 2007


This is a two-fer post, as in two-fer-one. Actually, the truth is this:

Confession: I didn't post last night because I was very disappointed in myself yesterday. I ate poorly, and too much, I didn't get up for my morning quiet time (still had a headache), but I did read two chapters in my book. Ironically what hit me the most yesterday was this whole chapter on shame and how not good it is if we don't let it go - and then I was too ashamed of myself to post! No clutter control, no exercise, no nothin'. So, there you go, that's yesterday.

On to today.......

Consumption: 1 vanilla TAMRS w/banana & frozen cherries, 1 cran-grape blast XS, 1 HEB water, about 20 oz "plain" water, Wings N More for lunch (chicken tenders basket - ate all the chicken, most of the garlic toast, and a few fries), McDonald's Big n Tasty burger and a medium fry (I'm aware that is horrible for me, but I was tired and I really wanted a burger and I am out of the frozen HEB burgers I usually keep in the fridge.)

Exercise: Walked 3 (I think) laps at the mall with my friend Kara!

Clutter Control: not so much

Spiritual Development: Slept right through the alarms and my morning call from Irene today. I'm really struggling with that. At 6:00 I was awake, but I knew I didn't "have" to get up until 6:30 at the latest so I just laid there and then I fell so sound asleep that I overslept until 7:45!!! I couldn't believe my kids slept that late! I feel like I am having a hard time shifting my natural body clock to the earlier to bed, early to rise approach I'm aiming for. Pray for me about that. I know that if would just get up the first time I find myself awake (6:00 today) I would be just fine, it's that little voice saying, "Come on, you can get 30 more minutes (or 5 or 10) and still get it all in" that is winning at the moment. That voice needs to loose.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007


Sorry I didn't get this up last night, I've been fighting a lot of headaches, or possibly just one that won't really go away. Anyway, I was hurting' last night so I just went to bed.

Consumption: 1 Tropical Blast XS, 1 HEB water, 1 milk chocolate TAMRS w/peanut butter & banana, 1 turkey sandwich, handful sour cream & onion chips, 2 peanut butter cookies, 1 bowl pasta with chicken Alfredo, 1 cashew (Paris found it in the bowl of mixed nuts and gave it to me - she knows they're my favorite!), 1 blueberry mini-muffin, 1 bowl frosted shredded wheat w/ vanilla soy milk

Exercise: no

Clutter Control: cleaned up Paris' room!!!! For those of you who have been here recently you know what a feat that was. It looks like a different place! 1 load of dishes.

Spiritual Development: Quiet time at 6:45 - Psalm 5 (I was finishing this one - I started it Friday and was interrupted by my early rising children). Also read in the two chapters in the Shelia Walsh book during "rest time." Nothing earth shattering today, but this one quote has stuck in my head. "God wants my heart, not my schedule." Another that I thought was good is this, "Self-preservation is not a fruit of the Spirit." Implicit in both of these is the requirement that we be vulnerable before God. To pretend we are anything else is useless to both Him and us.

Monday, April 9, 2007

Mellow Monday

That's what we had around here. A very mellow, don't leave the house kind of day.

Consumption: 1 Cherry blast XS, 2 cups decaf coffee, 1 HEB water, 2 peanut butter cookies, 1 bowl leftover chicken spaghetti, 1 egg salad sandwich, handful of sour cream & onion chips, XX

Exercise: nope. No real excuse either.

Clutter Control: 4 loads of laundry, 1 load of dishes, de-tagged (and washed) all the kids new clothes from my shopping trip to the outlets in San Marcos (Hello, everything I bought was 50% off!! I picked a good day to shop!), deodorized/vacuumed Tripp's carpet, sorted toys out of living room (Tripp's to his room, Paris' to hers, etc...), took in 3 pair of Tripp's shorts at the waist (maybe it's not clutter control, but I'm proud of myself for doing this and not paying someone else to do it!)

Spiritual Development: I'm having a challenge with my morning time. My alarm is set for 6:00 & 6:30, and my loyal friend Irene calls at about 6:45 as back up. I think I need to move my phone call up. Vivian is tweaking her schedule. She's been up by 6:50 the last 4 mornings. That means 6:45 isn't early enough for me to get up. So, Irene, when you read this if you want to call earlier, feel free! I'm going to focus on getting up with my alarm and not depending on the call everyday. Today I used my afternoon time to catch up with my girlfriend Dasha on the telephone. We hadn't talked in several days. That's weird for us. I supposed this should have been the confession section today. Tomorrow will be better.

Weekend Recap

Sorry for the lag in posting. We left Friday to go to Nana's for Easter. Good trip, but I came home still nursing a headache that had been hanging on for days. I wish I could say it's gone, but I still feel it. I'm hoping a day at home in my "normal" habitat will help get rid of it.

Consumption: So, when I go to Nana's I don't do the best when it comes to food & hydration. I drank too many Dr. Peppers. I didn't go overboard on sweets like I usually do, but since I hardly eat any at home it seems like I ate a lot. I did eat past full at two meals (dinner Saturday & lunch Sunday), but as soon as I realized what I was doing I stopped. On the way out of town Friday we stopped and got Sonic. I got a cheese coney meal (yes, the really long hot dog) and was pleased to discover that not only did I not finish the thing, I have no desire to every buy one again. The hot dog was a former favorite of mine and it just tasted plain gross to me. Looks like I've grown up a bit in my food requirements!

Exercise: did not happen - couldn't even take a walk due to bad weather!

Clutter Control: nothing here either. Being out of my own house make sit difficult to clean it up! On Friday I did do a load of sheets and scrubbed a wall - Tripp decided to paint with his poop again. Pray about this issue for us please. He has shown us he can and will go in the potty consistently, but he has been choosing to go during his rest time and then play with it (seriously!) about once a week. Needless to say this is a problem and we could use your prayers as we get through it.

Spiritual Development: Again I had no structured time in this department. I did get up Friday and got through part of my morning study, then the kids got up (early) and derailed my time. I did have sort of a neat thought on Sunday that I'd like to share though. I was getting my shower before we had "house church." (it was too cold and wet to take the kids and Nana out) Now, I will fully admit that showering at Nana's is not my favorite thing. Small shower, big Sarah - not the best combination. However, as I stood there letting the water run down my neck and shoulders it occurred to me that this is how we exist daily. Let me explain........I love at the end of my shower to turn the water just a wee bit hotter and just let it run, releasing any left over tension in my neck and shoulders and just relaxing me a bit. What hit me on Sunday is that we are washed clean by Christ's blood every minute of every day just like that. If we will yield and let Him do the work He began in us, we are made spotless. And just like those muscle aches that seem so deep that I want the water to beat down on until they let go, Christ washes and washes and washes even our deepest rooted sin until we turn it loose and let it flow down the drain. Today I pray for all of us that we can relax in the shower of love offered to us every day by Christ's sacrifice for us. His love is better at relieving tension than any shower on earth.

Thursday, April 5, 2007


That would be how I describe today. Bleh. I was not home from about 8:45-2:30 so I lost a chunk of my time at home tending to some errands and getting my haircut.

Confession: Hopefully I won't feel compelled to include this section very often. Or maybe I will - I guess only time will tell. Today I chose to sleep instead of getting up to start the day with my Father. I did have a migraine, but I could have gotten up. I also ate fast food, drank Dr. Pepper and had a piece of candy. Not my best day.

Consumption: 1 Cherry Blast XS, 1 HEB water, 2 medium Dr. Peppers, 1 chocolate coconut TAMRB, Long John Silver's (2 chicken planks, 1 fish plank, & two hush puppies), 2 peanut butter cookies, 1 salisbury steak with mashed potatoes and brown gravy, 1 Reese's chocolate covered peanut butter egg.

Exercise: nope.

Clutter Control: Cleaned/organized Tripp's room. This included taking all the toys that were still in my bathroom from the mass cleaning we had to do after he decided to paint with his own poop on Saturday back to his room. Easy did the dishes, but I cleaned/polished our ceramic stovetop.

Spiritual Development: As mentioned above, I did not get up when Irene called this morning. I did however choocs to use the kids' "reat time" this afternoon to exercise my mind instead of my body. I read 3 chapters in the Sheila Walsh book. I had a bit of an "aha" moment today. In ch. 2 she is talking about the need, rather necessity, to "accept and embrace our humanity." I struggle with this because embracing my humanity is embracing a lot of faults. This leads right into my thoughts while reading ch. 3. I won't go into all the details, but I wound up writing in my little notbeook something like this: maybe that's why I can't seem to accept that God loves me - where I am - right now. I set down my notebook and started reading again - Here is the next sentence I read: "If I had to give my life's message in one sentence, it would be this: as you are, right now, God loves you; and that will never change." Hello!!!!! I know that God loves me and wants to use me just as I am. I also know that He wants me to always seek Him and strive to be more like Christ. Since I live with myself, I am keenly aware of how not-Christ-like I am. I keep reading and Ch. 4 takes us into forgiveness and anger. Bottom line is this, there are things in my life that I haven't forgiven myself for. Things I'm really pretty angry at myself about. Then I put that book down and pick up my quite time guide and read Psalm 4. It deals with..........anger! I think God was serisouly trying to tell me something today. All of this together leaves with the following thought: There is nothing wrong with anger. It's an emotion God gave us. However, if we take that anger and use it to fuel sin, sin like unforgivenss, then that is a problem. So, I'm going to have to let go of somethings. I may need to confess some of them out loud. God already knows them all - I pray about them frequently. He has forgiven me. He loves me because of who He is, not because of who I am or what I do. Now I just have to find a way to let go and move on - I know God has more in store for me than stewing over these things that are to Him, already gone.

Wednesday, April 4, 2007

Fever Free!

At least Viv and I are anyway. Tripp hasn't had any since early this morning. Paris is still running one. Please pray that she will drink the fluids I keep giving her. I'm making Popsicles for tomorrow so hopefully that will help.

Consumption: 2 cups decaf coffee, 1 Tropical Blast XS, 2 HEB waters, 1/3 of an XS protein shake - it was strawberries & creme and I added a banana and a swirl of special dark chocolate syrup - don't think I can handle the texture of the protein shake, a little too mylanta for me, 2 of those peanut butter cookies I mentioned yesterday, 4 celery stalks with Lite Laughing Cow Cheese in them, 1 bowl of salad, 1 grilled turkey & cheese sammie + two bites of Tripp's grilled cheese.

Exercise: Pilates on the Ball video!!!! I'm super proud of myself for doing this today. Paris watched a "did" it with me. She couldn't find her Care Bear ball so she just did everything on the floor and used the ottoman for the stuff that was feet on the ball. She was cute. She said I did "just fine." Clearly, I have a ways to go in this area. I did as much as I could. When the cute perky lady on the DVD said "Let's make it more challenging" I just kept doing what I was already doing. I'm not up to challenging yet. Basic challenges me.

Clutter Control: I'm adding this section because I know that the cluttered state of my house contributes to my cluttered mind. Hopefully, this will also help me see where the holes are in my housekeeping. Plus, I'll get to brag when I do something beyond my necessary stuff. (like working on the piece I want to refinish, get another box emptied and out of the house - seriously, we moved close to a year ago!, etc...) Today I did a load of dishes, changed the sheets on all the beds (that's 4!), spackled a whole in Tripp's wall, and did 5 loads of laundry.

Spiritual Development: Quiet Time at 6:45 this morning. I was actually up a little before 6, but that was to tend to poor feverish Tripper. I grabbed the phone and took with me to his room trusting that someone would call. I gave Tripp his Motrin and snuggled up with him in his bed. At 6:45 Irene called and I got my day started right! Today was Psalm 3. Deliverance if from the Lord. It was encouraging me today particularly because as I went to sleep last night I was praying about finding solutions to our current situation. $ is TIGHT. Easy works hard, but he's tired. He's been doing this commuting thing for nearly 2 years now. I worry about him pushing himself too hard. Not sure if I want/need/should work part-time maybe starting in the fall...lots of questions regarding a stressor I know many of you understand. And this morning I was reminded by my Father that He's got my back. I need to cry out to Him, and He will answer. Pray that I will hear.

I am very tired tonight. I hope to hit the sack "early." - That's anytime before 11:00 for me.

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

On the Road to Health

Wow, that title could mean a lot of things for me right now...and all of them are true. The fever still lingers and has spread to everyone but Easy in the house. Viv was better today so it apparently lasts about 3-4 days. Tomorrow should be much better.

Consumption: 2 cups decaf coffee, 1 Cherry Blast XS, 2 HEB waters, 1 XS Sugar Free Sport Drink (like Gatorade), turkey sandwich and a handful of sour cream & onion chips (not the healthiest choice, I know), 2 slices homemade spicy garlic chicken pizza, 1 bowl frosted mini-wheats with vanilla soy milk. I forgot these last night so I'm adding it this morning: 4 quarter sized protein packed peanut butter cookies. Seriously, they are made with natural PB, Splenda, and egg, and some vanilla extract. Scrumptious a guilt free!

Exercise: Still not on the radar due to fever and exhaustion.

Spiritual Development: A big THANK YOU to my friend Irene who called at 6:45 this morning!!! We had a seriously rough day and night at our house so when my alarm went of the second time at 6:30 I thought to myself, "If someone calls I'll get up." Then the phone rang 15 minutes later and I did. My quiet time this morning was in Psalm 2. It really took my focus off of myself and the little world in which I live. The study guide I'm using prompted me to pray for the leaders of the world. I did that and in doing so was reminded that even though this fever virus has been unpleasant, there is a MUCH bigger picture to look at. Then, when my kids got up I was actually ready to have a better day instead of being in constant reaction mode like I would have been had I stayed in bed sleeping. Thank you again Irene.

Also started a new book today. No, I haven't finished Pilgrim Heart, but I needed to start this other one because it's the book for the book club I sort of started. I'm reading Sheila Walsh's new book God has a Dream for your Life. I read the intro and Chapter 1 today. This one is going to hit me where it hurts. Which, of course, is where I need to be hit. I think that's all I'll say on that for now. I've tried to formulate some thoughts on that subject, but they aren't ready to come out just yet.

Also had a friend call today and ask if we could be accountability partners. I was honored. I am also excited. We chatted a while and are both going to pray about this and wait for some guidance as to what that might look like for us. Regular get-togethers? Daily contact? Weekly? We don't know. Neither of us has ever had an accountability partner. Pray over that for us please. And of course, if you've ever had someone like that in your life, feel free to share how that worked.

I'm off to bed now.

Monday, April 2, 2007

Starve a Fever?

Is it starve a fever, feed a cold? I'm sure it's all an old wive's tale anyway. Here's my day:

Consumption: 2 cups decaf coffe. 1 Cherry Blast XS, 1 bowl leftover potato casserole, 1 chocolate TAMRS with peanut butter & banana (again - it's like a treat!), 1 Strawberry HEB water, 2 Cheetoe Puffs (off Tripp's plate), 1 small bowl of mac-n-cheese. A few doses of Tylenol for the body ache that turned into a full blown fever.

Exercise: Didn't happen due to fever.

Spiritual Development: Quite time at 6:40 this morning before the children got up!!!! I was in Psalm 1 today and the devotional guide I'm using prompted me to think a lot about this bit of poetry. I was reminded that even righteous "trees" bear fruit in their season. Meaning that is is natural, intentional on God's part, and totally normal to go through a winter season with what appears to be no fruit. But God tends his garden of trees. He prunes us when we need it. He waters us when we come to Him. And He takes such joy in watching us bloom in our season. Like the title of Sheila Walsh's book says Life is Tough, but God is Faithful. We must only stay faithful to Him and wait.

Also read a chapter in Pilgrim Heart today. It was on the practice of confession. Something the author, Darryl Tippen, notes is very absent in much of contemporary Christianity. It spoke of the importance to not only confess our own sins (not just to God), but to receive others' confessions and to extend to them the promise of God that our sins will be forgiven. It struck me that my initial post on this blog was a bit of a confession. I confessed a personal struggle and I must say I have been overwhelemed at the response and comments I have received. It would seem that depression, or "blue moods," and the fear of new direction along with hunger for God's voice in our lives has struck a cord. Thank you my friends. Your support and honesty in your comments has built me up and increased my confidence that this journey is one I must take, I must share with others, and that God indeed is faithful.

Sunday, April 1, 2007

Day One, Day One, God Made Light When There Was None

Sorry, Tripp has been singing that song all day so it is stuck in my head. So here's day one in a nutshell:

Consumption: Trim Advantage Meal Replacement Shake (milk chocolate with natural peanut butter and a banana thrown in) for breakfast. One XS Tropical Blast energy drink (0 carbs, 0 sugar). Turkey sandwich with a few Toasted Ritz Chips for lunch. One Dr. Pepper & 2 small Swedish fish (the candy) - Easy brought them to me as a "treat" from his excursion to Home Depot today because I had to take Vivian to Urgent Care for her fever/rash that was getting worse. Salad & leftover meatloaf sandwich for dinner. Finishing a bottle of HEB flavored sparkling water ( no caffeine, sodium, or calories!) before bed. Oh, and two Tylenol for the killer body ache I have compliments of my two feverish daughters. :-)

Exercise: Didn't happen.

Spiritual Development: Well, I didn't really have quiet time today, but I did get to go to church...alone. Easy was going to stay home with Viv anyway, and then the other two kids slept to late to make it to early service with me so I went by myself. I worked my shift in the nursery during early service. Class was great - we talked about intentional God-centered traditions we can create in our families. Then I got to go to worship by myself. No kids. I'd call that quiet time! It was a wonderful service. The sermon was very appropriate for me today - it was about not taking excuses to God. Based out of the parable about the rich man throwing a banquet, Monty (our new YM) reminded us that God has given us the ultimate invitation and when we make excuses about why we can't do whatever it is He's calling us to do we are seriously missing out on blessings.

On another note, in my rambling prayers lately I've been pondering/asking why I'm struggling with what seem to be "old demons" to me. Perhaps it is because as I was healed from depression I began following God's call on my life to be a mom. I still feel that call strongly (we better hope I do with 3 kids!), but lately I've been feeling a nudging to broaden my ministry somehow. To me and my human subconscious that is a bit scary. I found a tremendous peace when I became a mother and moving on to "the next stage" in my journey scares me quite a bit. Scares me enough to let Satan stick his foot in the door and try and make me second guess all sorts of things. Well, too bad for you Satan. I'm ready to leave my excuses behind and do whatever it is God has in store for me. If that's continue on the home front, in the nursery ministry, going to work part-time, or something else that hasn't even crossed my mind yet, I'm ready. For now, please pray that I can be patient and listen closely so I will hear His voice leading me the right way.