Thursday, April 5, 2007

Bleh

That would be how I describe today. Bleh. I was not home from about 8:45-2:30 so I lost a chunk of my time at home tending to some errands and getting my haircut.

Confession: Hopefully I won't feel compelled to include this section very often. Or maybe I will - I guess only time will tell. Today I chose to sleep instead of getting up to start the day with my Father. I did have a migraine, but I could have gotten up. I also ate fast food, drank Dr. Pepper and had a piece of candy. Not my best day.

Consumption: 1 Cherry Blast XS, 1 HEB water, 2 medium Dr. Peppers, 1 chocolate coconut TAMRB, Long John Silver's (2 chicken planks, 1 fish plank, & two hush puppies), 2 peanut butter cookies, 1 salisbury steak with mashed potatoes and brown gravy, 1 Reese's chocolate covered peanut butter egg.

Exercise: nope.

Clutter Control: Cleaned/organized Tripp's room. This included taking all the toys that were still in my bathroom from the mass cleaning we had to do after he decided to paint with his own poop on Saturday back to his room. Easy did the dishes, but I cleaned/polished our ceramic stovetop.

Spiritual Development: As mentioned above, I did not get up when Irene called this morning. I did however choocs to use the kids' "reat time" this afternoon to exercise my mind instead of my body. I read 3 chapters in the Sheila Walsh book. I had a bit of an "aha" moment today. In ch. 2 she is talking about the need, rather necessity, to "accept and embrace our humanity." I struggle with this because embracing my humanity is embracing a lot of faults. This leads right into my thoughts while reading ch. 3. I won't go into all the details, but I wound up writing in my little notbeook something like this: maybe that's why I can't seem to accept that God loves me - where I am - right now. I set down my notebook and started reading again - Here is the next sentence I read: "If I had to give my life's message in one sentence, it would be this: as you are, right now, God loves you; and that will never change." Hello!!!!! I know that God loves me and wants to use me just as I am. I also know that He wants me to always seek Him and strive to be more like Christ. Since I live with myself, I am keenly aware of how not-Christ-like I am. I keep reading and Ch. 4 takes us into forgiveness and anger. Bottom line is this, there are things in my life that I haven't forgiven myself for. Things I'm really pretty angry at myself about. Then I put that book down and pick up my quite time guide and read Psalm 4. It deals with..........anger! I think God was serisouly trying to tell me something today. All of this together leaves with the following thought: There is nothing wrong with anger. It's an emotion God gave us. However, if we take that anger and use it to fuel sin, sin like unforgivenss, then that is a problem. So, I'm going to have to let go of somethings. I may need to confess some of them out loud. God already knows them all - I pray about them frequently. He has forgiven me. He loves me because of who He is, not because of who I am or what I do. Now I just have to find a way to let go and move on - I know God has more in store for me than stewing over these things that are to Him, already gone.

4 comments:

Nellie said...

It doesn't really sound like such a "Bleh" day to me. So you ate/drank some things you wish you hadn't.

However, your Spiritual Development section shows a wonderful time spent with finding out that God forgives us when we make mistakes and realizing that we need to accept that awesome gift of grace. I know so many who read this entry will identify with that section as I have.

Thank you for sharing your heart so well.

Love you!

Marlin said...

Hmmmmm, I think you and I have anger as the root of the majority of our challenges. I know God has shown me some things that I too need to confess out loud. I know them in my heart and have even said them to Dennis, but in saying them to Dennis it was actually more like yelling them at Dennis. . . . I don't really think that qualifies as true heartfelt confession! I'm so excited about discussing this book. It could be an all-nighter for us! Love ya! Lara

Stephanie said...

I too have some anger issues. Just ask Eric from last night. I pray daily that God will help me to not get angry that day and then it just sneaks up on me and I erupt like a volcano. It is very sad. I don't want my children to grow up with a mom that has anger like that. I'm also reading a book titled 'Good and Angry Exchanging Frustration For Character In You and Your Kids!' It is helping me to see new ways to deal with hot points. I agree with Lara that this book discussion could turn into an all-nighter. Also please pray for me right now as it is 1 year since my dad died and I'm not handling it very well. Thanks. Love ya!

Mike & Kate said...

Sarah-
Wow- what an inspiration you are! I too am starting a healthier lifestyle including spiritual development and I'm going to check your blog often!
Love ya,
Katy from Chicago