Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Progress Report

Feeling pretty good this week. Since my confessional post last week I have lost 3 pounds. Did pretty good on workouts last week - Monday, Wednesday, Thursday. Thursday was just a walk on the treadmill - but it was great. The kids were having a horrible morning. We wooke up late, had to get Tripp to ESY, the girls were cranky......so after we dropped off T I let the girls watch tv and I walked off the morning's frustrations. Had a great day after that. Friday I didn't do a specific workout but Mom and I did take the kids to the pool and let me tell you, walking in the pool with children attached to you is exercise! I slept to well that night!!!

Food went alright. I think I had 3 Dr. Peppers - much better than the 7 per week I had been averaging. No sweets or desserts. I did have french fries on Sunday, but nothing else fried. I've got August's meal calendar complete, just need to do the grocery lists.

House cleaning system is going so-so, keeping up with laundry fine, but still stuggling with the floors. Doesn't help that my vaccuum is making that hot smell when I turn it on and Easy just changed the belts 2 weeks ago.

No progress happening on kids stuff - still need to work on fall visuals/schedules as well as making a lists of who needs what before school starts. It's a bit daunting.

So that's all the external stuff.....internally it has been a great week. I love being in a place where I feel like I'm learning new things. I think if I could stop loosing focus I could stay put with my spirit open to hear His whenever He speaks - wouldn't that be fabulous?!?!?! I feel like I was closer to God this past week than I have been in quite some time. Perhaps it's because I confessed my laziness and my sin of filling up with food and not the Father. Kinda feels like He gave me this great reward for owning up to what I've done the last 8 months. Of course, it hasn't all been roses. I've been quite convicted in a few areas, but that's what it takes to move forward so I'm not complaining.

I need to run - busy evening ahead, just wanted to post the progress so I'm being accountable. Prayers for continued focus are appreciated!!

Wednesday, July 21, 2010


I was reading today and received a word of affirmation so I thought I'd share it with you. A little back story...........at somepoint during the last year I was processing some stuff with my sweet mom and I used the term disobedient to describe a choice a made. At the time she questioned if that was the right word to use. My response was pretty simple - "Well, God told me not do it and I did it anyway." Then she agreed that it was the right word. Here's a quote from Battlefield of the Mind:
Disobedience is disregarding the voice of the Lord,
or whatever God is speaking to us personally,
not just transgressing the Ten Commandments.

We tend to think of disobedience as breaking a clearly established rule. For my kids, the "House Rules" are clearly defined and they know they will have consequences if they choose to break them. Life as a faithful Christian isn't so easily defined though. In fact, clear cut rules and regulations are quite contrary to some of the teachings in the new testament. ...a man is not justified by observing the law, but by faith in Jesus Christ. (Gal. 2:16)

So where does that leave us with obedience? Well, one basic premise, or rule if you like that word, is clear - believe. Believe in Jesus. Believe in God. Believe God. Very timely for me I think that we are doing Beth Moore's Believing God study this fall during LBC. It focuses on moving from believing in God to believing God. What does that mean? Here's an example:

When God told me not to do that thing I did I didn't believe Him. I didn't believe anyone else would do it if I didn't - which really means I didn't believe God would take care of it. Yikes. I believed in God, but I didn't believe Him when he said He could take care of it and it wasn't my job to do it.

So why is it so hard to believe when we feel God speaking in our spirit? That would be doubt. I think we are often guilty of not spending the time it takes to attune ourselves to the Spirit. Satan likes that. It makes it easy for him to attack us with doubt. Even when we know that we know that we know that we have heard from God, it is easy for Satan to cause us to doubt the source. Because we are not practiced in communication with Him we wonder which voice we really heard. We wonder if it's just our own voice, we wonder if it's Satan's voice, the voices of others seem so much louder than the voice we heard......and the list goes on. Please know that I didn't hear an audible voice. When I say voice I'm really describing the inner prompting you feel when the Spirit moves. I do think we need to pray expecting to hear from God.....we also need to practice listening with our spirit........and when He speaks we need to obey. Because disobedience has consequences.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Struggling Confession/Accountability Call

Hmmmm......after an absence like this I don't know where to start..........so I'll start with the truth. I've undone some remodeling. I've gained 15 pounds. There, I said it........now I hope you will help me deal with it.

OK, so here's the deal - it's been a rough last 12 months. I could list lots of reasons that the last 12 months of my life we stressful and difficult and emotionally exhausting and blah blah blah. Here's the bottom line truth I've come to accept though - there are consequences to disobedience. Duh, right? I teach my kids that on a daily basis. So why is that a lesson I'm still learning?

About a year ago I spent some serious prayer time beseeching God for an answer to a pretty specific question. I felt very clearly that he gave me one. "No, don't do it." Guess what, I did it anyway. Doesn't really matter what "it" was, the point here is that I felt an answer in my spirit and allowed my flesh to act in opposition to that answer. So what were the consequences? The details don't matter, but there definitely was more stress in my life than there needed to be. And when I'm stressed............well, I eat. I feel like I deserve it. Like somehow it is a valid reward. I also realized part way through the year why I was so stressed out but there wasn't anything I could do about it. Then I felt guilty...........so I ate some more. Then I realized I was eating more than I should and that I wasn't making good choices...........which made me "feel bad about myself"..........so I ate some more. Gee, do you think perhaps I was listening to Satan's voice and not the Father's? I even said things to myself like "but look how big you were after Vivi, you're no where near that so it's OK." Um, no, not OK.

So, now what do I do? I can be a good wife, a good mom, and I can work in the gifts/ministry God has called me to. What does that look like? Well it starts with plate balancing - I'm in the process of removing all the activities that don't help me be a better wife, mom, writer, or teacher. I already have more peace having taken some of those steps. They have been well received by those they affect and I am thankful for their understanding and support.

I was recently convicted about this physical body yet again though. It is the vessel God gave me with which to accomplish all those things He calls me to do on this earth. I should be taking better care of it. So here I am, yet again needing to overhaul the temple - head to toe, mind to heart. I am no longer comparing myself to where I was 4 years ago. That battle is over. This is a different one. It may look the same on the outside, but I know that the terrain is different. This battle is one that I must rely on God to win because I so clearly can not do it in my own strength. Yes, I have new skills, weapons, perspectives, but so does Satan. So, I'm throwing down the gauntlet because my God deserves the best of what I have. I know when I'm giving Him my all He will fill me with strength and power I can't even comprehend. And I'm counting on that because it sure feels like Satan has outsmarted me for the past year.

I covet your prayers, your words of encouragement, your shared journey, even your admonishment. Please help keep me accountable. I intend to post at least weekly and update the sidebars under Progress Report. I am hungry for communication in this struggle - here, on FB, in person........I have felt very alone for the last year, but when I look around I see I am surrounded by people that I know will help me if I ask. So I'm asking.