Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Wednesday Weekly

I think Wednesday will be my progress report day. So let's see........I've quit buying DP to keep at the house so I would say my consumption has been cut by 1/2-2/3. I have had NO fast food since my last post! The thought of a greasy burger is gross at the moment. I'm praying it stays that way. I haven't done any exercise other than chasing my kids around. I'm looking forward to next week as the amount of time I'm in the car will drop quite a bit with school out. I have been keeping my house picked up. If you'll recall, Clutter Control was one of my original tracking categories. It is a much more peaceful house when you aren't bombarded by the colors of all those toys on the floor! I did splurge on Monday and ate some cookies. I made GF cookies so the kids could have a treat when we went over to play at a friend's house. Oh, and Easy and I have been eating fresh pineapple the last couple of nights.....dipped in chocolate fruit dip. Not the best, not the worst. I've started preparing for our summer LBC - we're using the book Soul Feast and I'm leading the first class. Most everyone won't have read it yet so I'll be doing more teaching than facilitating like I'm used to doing.

As to how I'm feeling....a little stressed as P & T only have two more days of school. We'll have a week of transition before our new summer schedule starts so I'm a little anxious for T. I hope he adjusts well. I'm also a little stressed becaus LBC starts on Wednesday and I'm still short babysitters. We have this great group of ladies coming - that means lots of kids! Please be in prayer that sitters respond quickly! I guess that's it for now. Oh, I lost 3.5 pounds. Can we say water weight? I'll take it though! Have a good week!

Thursday, May 22, 2008


If you know me well at all then you know that The Princess Bride is absolutley one of my favortie movies. I can typically quote from it without hesitation, but this morning my brain is muddled by a migraine so I will summarize instead. At some point in the film Indigo Montoya (I have no idea if that's how you spell that) speaks about going back to the beginning. When the plan has gone awry and you don't know where to go....go back to the beginning. Fezik (again - spelling?), his giant friend finds him there stumbling drunk and sets about sobering him up so they can get on with the noble mission in front of them....saving the princess from marriage to the not so nice prince.

If I'm going to be honest, and that's why I started this blog, then I need to own that today I am Indigo Montoya. No, I'm not stumbling drunk, but I have over the last 6 months reverted to some habits that are unacceptable when it comes to the care of this temple. So here's the really honest part........

Did any of you notice that the "3 pound bubble" I was in mysteriously grew to a "5 pound bubble?" Well, unless I'm going to call it a 10 pound bubble it's time to own the fact that I've put back on about 10 pounds. I have no doubts about how this happened. Mass quantities of DP and fast food and even a few candy bars! Last night Cherry Jackson talked a little about when we try to fill up with things other than God. That's what I've been doing for 6 months. I quit putting the Word in first and that left me empty. So instead of filling up on the Bread of Life I said I was too hectic and busy so I ate junk instead trying to ease the growing stress in my life.

Guess what - it didn't work. So it's time to go back to the beginning. I don't want to bore those of you who still read this with the details of my daily eating and activity, so instead I will be posting weekly as to my progress. I want to use this blog to write about the process, but I know I need to report the progress too so the details get one post a week and the process gets whatever else I write.

So, as I step back onto the path I veered off of all I ask is that you pray for me. I've said in the past few months that I need help - asked my friends to help "kick my butt into gear." But the truth is that this is between me and my Creator and only He can accomlish in me what needs to be done. So please pray that I am submissive to His work. That I see my fleshly desires for what they are and that when Satan's lies (in the form of negative thoughts/self talk regarding my worth) creep in that I call on Christ to remove them. I'm in tears as I write today friends. Not because I'm sad or upset really, but more because I'm sorry. I'm sorry that instead of going to God I chose to get "stumbling drunk." I ask for His forgiveness and I ask for yours.

Monday, May 5, 2008

Cliff's Edge

I'm standing on the edge of a cliff. And no, not the cliffs of insanity (movie reference anyone?). Though I have to admit sometimes it feels like that's the best descriptor for me. Rather, I'm standing here looking out of a vast ocean of possibilty. An ocean of purpose and dreams. An ocean of blessings. It's beautiful. And I'm terrified of the ocean. I do not have confidence in my abilities to swim in such deep waters. And there are sharks out there you know. And jelly fish. Did I mention that I'm terrified of the ocean?

So how did I get here? Well, I followed God. He's been taking me on a journey. He helped me shed some dead weight on the trek to this point. He's taught me many lessons about control, and patience, and His divine plan. He has shared priceless insight with me in moments where I thought I could not possibly take on more step. He's let me stumble on some rocks, but He has always picked me up and helped me keep moving. And then I got to the cliff's edge and I stopped.

I'm not here alone. My children and husband and friends and family are with me. Some of them keep pointing to the ocean and gently reminding me that I'm supposed to jump in. I'm ignoring them. I'm busy chasing my kids around trying to keep them safe. We are, afterall on the edge of a cliff. I managed to bring a lawnchair on the journey, so part of my time is spent just sitting here - looking out at that body of water, breeze on my face, and I think......"It's nice here. I could stay here quite a while."

And then my lawnchair gets bumped from behind. I look. No, it wasn't one of my kids. There is nothing there. Then I here the quiet voice.

"Jump in, I won't let you drown. There are beautiful things for you to see. There are beautiful people for you to meet. I have work for you there. Please jump in."

I can ignore that for a while, right?

"Sarah, jump in. You are safe with me."

Still ignoring.

"You can jump in this ocean with me, full of purpose and promise, and blessings you can't even fathom. Or I can throw you in a sea that will serve only to remind you that you can't swim without me. I will let you sputter and flail until you remember that I am God and I love you. When you remember who I am, and you call out my name I will be there. And as I scoop you out of that swirling sea you will know me - and then we can go swimming together. The choice is yours."

Seems like it's an easy choice, right? Yet for some reason I stand here paralyzed in the chaos that seems to be my daily life. My head knows it's time to get wet. My heart longs for the freedom to jump in with abandon and see all God has in store. But my feet are stuck to the ground. Perhaps Satan is sitting on them. Yep, there he is. He tied my laces together so I'm afraid to take a step and he's on my back whispering in my ear all the fears and failures I've ever known. And he's so convincing.
In fact, he's so convincing that this doesn't feel like a choice at all. It feels like this is all I can do. Sit here. Looking out at the ocean. Terrified to jump in.