Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Pray for Brad

There isn't much else for me to say in this moment. Please just join us all and pray.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Still Standing

Yes, this Temple is still standing, but my foundation feels weak. Things have been tough since school started. On the physical part of this remodel I have lost another 5 pounds. I'm officially in the same size pants I wore when Easy and I tied the knot 10 years ago - though I really don't think that's an accurate measure since pants fit very different these days. The mental, emotional, and spiritual has been rough though.

I finally came to the realization that I've been blocked in my relationship with my Father and it's because I'm mad. I'm mad that this is my life right now. I'm mad that Tripp has autism. I'm mad that Paris is a drama queen and she failed her vision screen at school and might need glasses. I'm mad that Vivie still poops in her pants sometimes. I'm mad that Briley, the new dog we got for Easy, needs to be housebroken and played with a lot and that's my job. I'm mad that I need to work 2 part-time jobs just to keep my kids cared for, dressed, and in the appropriate therapies needed. I'm mad that my husband works in Houston and is gone from 6-7 evereyday - and that's really a good day. I'm mad that God wants me in this exact spot.

Somehow in admitting that I'm just plain mad - there is releif. There was a time in my past that I was mad like this. I didn't think it was OK to be mad. Certainly not OK to be mad at God. That resulted in a several year depression which led to much of the disrepair this remodel has been fixing. Today, I know it's OK to be mad. And it's OK to tell God that I'm mad. Even more amazing is the fact that I get tell God I'm mad and then ask Him to help. I can give him all my anger and He'll know what to do with it. I can pray daily that He give me spot of joy in the midst of these days that have me so infuriated. AND HE DOES.

Yesterday Tripp actually, really, truly, played with us. We were all five on the couch having an all too rare moment of family bliss and he jumped up, shout "Tripp is hiding," and ducked behind the end table. It took me a minute to catch on because it was so unexpected. After inquiring in my best playful mommy voice "Oh my! Where is Tripper?!?" he jumped up and shouted "Here he is!" It was awesome! He then proceeded to lay on the ottoman and act like a cat. Real pretending. Wow. Joy.

Thursday night Easy made dinner when he got home. Joy.

As we were leaving school Thursday Vivie said to Ms. Brandi "Bye Sooga Booga!" (Sugar booger) Hilarious joy.

Paris giggled with me as we did our very very joyful "It's Friday" chant and dance yesterday afternoon.

Last Saturday Stephanie kept my kids while Erika came and helped me clean out the kids' rooms, my dining room, kitchen, and utility room. Grateful joy.

I am indeed so very blessed. Being mad doesn't negate that. It is my prayer that everyday I can see more of the joyful blessing than the anger. I know God is leading me and that He will walk side by side or even carry me through this time. In that there is great peace. Pray for me that the peace will grow and grow until the anger is swallowed up by it.

Friday, October 3, 2008


It's been a long day. When I got to work this morning I was told that my friend Juanita had a heart attack this morning. Juanita is the secretary at our church and she makes working in the office an absolute delight. I was stunned. I went in with the rest of the office staff to spend some time in prayer. We were given a few more details and I found myself unable to speak. Within an hour of that I received the news that my friend had gone Home. She is rejoicing with angels and experiencing joy that I can't even fathom. I thank God for her life and for the ways she touched mine. And I'm sad.

As I was leaving the office I began praying in the car. All I could say is that I'm tired. I'm tired of loss. I'm tired of cancer and lung disease and hurricanes. I'm tired of migraines and autism. I'm tired of hospitals and medical bills and broken relationships. I felt myself almost ranting at my Father that I am just TIRED of this life! And then I felt His gentle quiet voice remind me that "this life" isn't what it's about. It's not about the pain and the frustration or the sadness and heartache. What it is about is remembering WHO it's about. Not me.

Father, I am so mixed up before you today. I am truly joyful that your servant Juanita is home with you. But I am sad that I will not see her perky smiling face at the office next week. I am sad for her family and I pray that we can extend your love to each of them as they deal with this loss. Help me remember that each of us who loves you will one day spend eternity with you. We will sing with angels and give you the glory that our human minds and voices cannot truly express. I love you Lord, and though I SO don't understand why there is so much pain here, I know you love us and that is what I hold on to. May your peace and love be felt by everyone that is missing their friend today. Amen.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008


40 is a big number. 40 days and 40 nights it rained on Noah and the crew of the ark. 40 years the Israelites wandered in the wilderness. And today I get to report that I've lost 40 pounds. It feels like the journey hasn't been unlike the stories mentioned above.

In the misdt of the wilderness God handed out some amazing blessings. Water from rock, manna, lights for guidance, etc... So too in the midst of this journey has He given me some amazing things. From tiny blessings like the DP being sold out at the machine when I was having a weak moment (this happened more than once!) to sending me comfort and hope as our journey with Tripp has progressed. God is faithful and though I don't think I'm truly out of the desert yet, I am not afraid because I know God will lead the way. I sort of feel today like the dove came back with a twig.

I'm also remembering that there were people occupying the promised land that had to be fought and kicked out. For far to long I've let Satan squat in my promised land. I know that he will always fight for space there. It is my daily prayer that God give me the strength and guidance to take back what He has given me. A life of peace and joy, strength and comfort, and most importantly for me in this moment is a life of confidence that God's love is never ending and His provision constant.

I know it's been a long time since I posted here. My sweet friend gave me the evil eye about that today after I weighed in and told her what I saw on the scale. So Stephanie, this post is for you. I thank you for being such a big part of my journey. For loving me all along the way, for celebrating when I celebrate (I forgive you the ugly tongue-sticking-out moment today), and for crying with me when I cry. You and your friendship are definitely one of the many blessing God has sent me.

So, if any of you still read this Remodeling effort, please know that I am, as I always will be, in a state of renovation by the Master Carpenter himself. Let it be the same with you and please pray that I stay the course God has laid out before me.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Walking News

So after my last post I got this amazing email from a friend at church that offered to let me borrow her treadmill! She brought it over yesterday and today when the kids were resting I got my walk in! I'm so excited about this because my exercise no longer depends on my kids' schedule. I can walk while they sleep - either in the afternoon or at night or if I'm feeling nuts, before they get up in the morning! I feel like this is a real solution to part of my struggle.


Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Struggling Through

Man has it been a week since I last wrote. Busy busy. Somewhat stressful. And I have had a migraine for the better part of the last 7 days. Today is actually much better with it really only being bad late in the afternoon. So, I kinda feel like I've just been struggling through life.

I didn't exercise at all last week. I'm having a very hard time making this part of my routine. The plan was to go on 3 walks each week - at least 20 minutes of active walking each time. I got two in the first week and none in this last week. It's more difficult than I thought to work in taking the kids for a walk when you factor in our schedule and the need to wait until it's not blistering hot outside. So, I'm thinking maybe I need a different plan. I have some workout dvd's - I could do one of those after the kids are down 3 times a week. I have to confess that I stink in this department if I don't have people to do it with. I used to go to classes at Aerofit (years agao) but I went because there was some social stuff involved and then there was also that little drive inside to be better than the person next to me. Last summer I walked a lot because I met up with friends to do it. I don't have any of that right now so I'm really struggling. Prayers please, and if any of you are willing to embarass yourself with me, let me know - maybe we could book a room and tv at the church building and do a workout video together!

Eating had been better and then I blew it. Easy and I went out last night and I ate all manner of things I shouldn't have eaten. I think I'm starting to really understand that my body is addicted to certain foods. With the headache and all I've been physically feeling bad. I realize part of that is because my body was used to xyz for fuel and now it's getting fvp instead. This week is hard. I want to throw it out the window and go get xyz again. Much like the Israelites I want to go back to the bondage. I am grateful though that I have people helping me stay accountable (that includes anyone reading this blog) and for you guys I will walk on into the dessert. I know God will satisfy me in ways I can't imagine and I put my faith in Him and not in the fast food bag.

Pray for me this week as I continue struggling through. It feels like this week is important somehow. That God is trying to weed something out of me. Please pray that I am obedient and willing to be transformed at His hand. It's His temple - He gets to decorate, and I have a feeling more than a fresh coat of paint is what He has in mind right now.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Better Late then Never

Hello out there! If you want to read about a tiny bit of "process" stuff hop over to Sarah Station. You'll see that I'm still learning the little lessons in life.........

As for the exterior remodeling I have quite a bit to tell you. I've begun meeting with some friends to help me navigate this area. I wonderful friend that God dropped into my life back in September (Love you LK!!) has been on quite a journey to allow God to defeat a food addiction in her life. She has lost over 100 lbs since her journey began. She has taken this wonderful blessing and used it to help others. She is now meeting with me and two other ladies to walk us through what became her "program" (if you really need to call it something). It's food education, Bible study,exercise, accountability in a big way, and support group all rolled into one.

Today was our 3rd meeting. The first week we just talked about where her journey has taken her and what we want to accomplish. Our home work was to keep a food diary for the next week. That was ugly. On week 2 we weighed in and measured. That was ugly too. We also got the beginnings of our personalized plan for food and exercise. The food diary will continue indefinitely - talk about accountability! In one week I have learned that even though I am eating WAY healthier than I was 18 months ago, the proportion of fat in my diet is way too high and the amount of veggies is way too low. I've also learned that I don't eat enough "carbs" and that could be contributing to my fatigue and hairloss! I had no idea. So I'm learning new ways to put in Gluten Free carb/starches. It looks like potatoes will be back in my diet - just not the fried variety! (if you have a great potatoe recipe that doesn't involve cream or frying, send it my way!)

Today we weighed in and with one week off of DP and watching my consumption of food I dropped 7 lbs. Trust me, that's water weight. I told LK that she would never again see that kind of drop in a week's time and she assured me that if she did we would need to make some changes because it wouldn't be healthy. I am my mother's daughter and we do retain a lot of water so I'm 99% confident that at least 5 of those pounds was fluid. I never thought I would pray for slow loss, but that is my goal. I want this Temple to be physically sound and shrinking it too fast would not be good.

So, there you go. I'm on track, learning new things, unlearning old things, and incredibly grateful that I have LK and our group to walk this part of my journey with.

Give thanks to the Lord for He is good. His love endures forever. Psalm 136:1

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Quick Post

I didn't want to skip my detail post, but I'm hectic today so this will be brief.

I few not so good days on food. Saturday I was at the beach with Easy all day for a work function and I drank DP almost all day. I had some egg rolls from Jack in the Box as well. Other than that I've done pretty good on food and I even had a few days with NO DP!! Today was a splurge lunch. My mom surprised me with her two best gal pals and they drove up from B-town to sit it in on the class I taught this morning. We all went to Wings N More for lunch . I'm not used to the fried food and my tummy is already revolting!

Exercise - still just chasing the kids around. Next week begins our actual summer schedule so I'm planning to start adding in some exercise time.

The house is staying pretty picked up and we even got Paris' room all cleaned! I've got my chores divided out so I'm definitely doing better in the clutter control category.

And lastly - I taught LBC this morning on the first chapter of Soul Feast. I think it went well. It was A LOT of material to cover and I hope I didn't leave folks feeling like they'd been talked at when it was done. I tried to work in some discussion questions, but it was a little challenging because no one in the class (except my mom) had read the chapter yet - the books won'tbe in until later this week! It was a real treat to have my mom, Nana, Bren and ML there. I was a little anxious as class got started, but the further we went the slower my heartbeat and I relaxed and did my best.

So - all in all I think an OK week on this journey! Oh, and I lost 2 pounds. Have a good week!

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Wednesday Weekly

I think Wednesday will be my progress report day. So let's see........I've quit buying DP to keep at the house so I would say my consumption has been cut by 1/2-2/3. I have had NO fast food since my last post! The thought of a greasy burger is gross at the moment. I'm praying it stays that way. I haven't done any exercise other than chasing my kids around. I'm looking forward to next week as the amount of time I'm in the car will drop quite a bit with school out. I have been keeping my house picked up. If you'll recall, Clutter Control was one of my original tracking categories. It is a much more peaceful house when you aren't bombarded by the colors of all those toys on the floor! I did splurge on Monday and ate some cookies. I made GF cookies so the kids could have a treat when we went over to play at a friend's house. Oh, and Easy and I have been eating fresh pineapple the last couple of nights.....dipped in chocolate fruit dip. Not the best, not the worst. I've started preparing for our summer LBC - we're using the book Soul Feast and I'm leading the first class. Most everyone won't have read it yet so I'll be doing more teaching than facilitating like I'm used to doing.

As to how I'm feeling....a little stressed as P & T only have two more days of school. We'll have a week of transition before our new summer schedule starts so I'm a little anxious for T. I hope he adjusts well. I'm also a little stressed becaus LBC starts on Wednesday and I'm still short babysitters. We have this great group of ladies coming - that means lots of kids! Please be in prayer that sitters respond quickly! I guess that's it for now. Oh, I lost 3.5 pounds. Can we say water weight? I'll take it though! Have a good week!

Thursday, May 22, 2008


If you know me well at all then you know that The Princess Bride is absolutley one of my favortie movies. I can typically quote from it without hesitation, but this morning my brain is muddled by a migraine so I will summarize instead. At some point in the film Indigo Montoya (I have no idea if that's how you spell that) speaks about going back to the beginning. When the plan has gone awry and you don't know where to go....go back to the beginning. Fezik (again - spelling?), his giant friend finds him there stumbling drunk and sets about sobering him up so they can get on with the noble mission in front of them....saving the princess from marriage to the not so nice prince.

If I'm going to be honest, and that's why I started this blog, then I need to own that today I am Indigo Montoya. No, I'm not stumbling drunk, but I have over the last 6 months reverted to some habits that are unacceptable when it comes to the care of this temple. So here's the really honest part........

Did any of you notice that the "3 pound bubble" I was in mysteriously grew to a "5 pound bubble?" Well, unless I'm going to call it a 10 pound bubble it's time to own the fact that I've put back on about 10 pounds. I have no doubts about how this happened. Mass quantities of DP and fast food and even a few candy bars! Last night Cherry Jackson talked a little about when we try to fill up with things other than God. That's what I've been doing for 6 months. I quit putting the Word in first and that left me empty. So instead of filling up on the Bread of Life I said I was too hectic and busy so I ate junk instead trying to ease the growing stress in my life.

Guess what - it didn't work. So it's time to go back to the beginning. I don't want to bore those of you who still read this with the details of my daily eating and activity, so instead I will be posting weekly as to my progress. I want to use this blog to write about the process, but I know I need to report the progress too so the details get one post a week and the process gets whatever else I write.

So, as I step back onto the path I veered off of all I ask is that you pray for me. I've said in the past few months that I need help - asked my friends to help "kick my butt into gear." But the truth is that this is between me and my Creator and only He can accomlish in me what needs to be done. So please pray that I am submissive to His work. That I see my fleshly desires for what they are and that when Satan's lies (in the form of negative thoughts/self talk regarding my worth) creep in that I call on Christ to remove them. I'm in tears as I write today friends. Not because I'm sad or upset really, but more because I'm sorry. I'm sorry that instead of going to God I chose to get "stumbling drunk." I ask for His forgiveness and I ask for yours.

Monday, May 5, 2008

Cliff's Edge

I'm standing on the edge of a cliff. And no, not the cliffs of insanity (movie reference anyone?). Though I have to admit sometimes it feels like that's the best descriptor for me. Rather, I'm standing here looking out of a vast ocean of possibilty. An ocean of purpose and dreams. An ocean of blessings. It's beautiful. And I'm terrified of the ocean. I do not have confidence in my abilities to swim in such deep waters. And there are sharks out there you know. And jelly fish. Did I mention that I'm terrified of the ocean?

So how did I get here? Well, I followed God. He's been taking me on a journey. He helped me shed some dead weight on the trek to this point. He's taught me many lessons about control, and patience, and His divine plan. He has shared priceless insight with me in moments where I thought I could not possibly take on more step. He's let me stumble on some rocks, but He has always picked me up and helped me keep moving. And then I got to the cliff's edge and I stopped.

I'm not here alone. My children and husband and friends and family are with me. Some of them keep pointing to the ocean and gently reminding me that I'm supposed to jump in. I'm ignoring them. I'm busy chasing my kids around trying to keep them safe. We are, afterall on the edge of a cliff. I managed to bring a lawnchair on the journey, so part of my time is spent just sitting here - looking out at that body of water, breeze on my face, and I think......"It's nice here. I could stay here quite a while."

And then my lawnchair gets bumped from behind. I look. No, it wasn't one of my kids. There is nothing there. Then I here the quiet voice.

"Jump in, I won't let you drown. There are beautiful things for you to see. There are beautiful people for you to meet. I have work for you there. Please jump in."

I can ignore that for a while, right?

"Sarah, jump in. You are safe with me."

Still ignoring.

"You can jump in this ocean with me, full of purpose and promise, and blessings you can't even fathom. Or I can throw you in a sea that will serve only to remind you that you can't swim without me. I will let you sputter and flail until you remember that I am God and I love you. When you remember who I am, and you call out my name I will be there. And as I scoop you out of that swirling sea you will know me - and then we can go swimming together. The choice is yours."

Seems like it's an easy choice, right? Yet for some reason I stand here paralyzed in the chaos that seems to be my daily life. My head knows it's time to get wet. My heart longs for the freedom to jump in with abandon and see all God has in store. But my feet are stuck to the ground. Perhaps Satan is sitting on them. Yep, there he is. He tied my laces together so I'm afraid to take a step and he's on my back whispering in my ear all the fears and failures I've ever known. And he's so convincing.
In fact, he's so convincing that this doesn't feel like a choice at all. It feels like this is all I can do. Sit here. Looking out at the ocean. Terrified to jump in.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Abandoned Buildings

Have you ever seen an abandoned building? Not one that's all boarded up like it was condemned or left because of something terrible, but one that looks like one day everyone just left. The structure still looks the same, the foundation is still there, it's just empty. Maybe it's starting to look a little dirty. Cobwebs and wasp nests are starting to become visible. It's dark. It's empty. Void of life.

That's kind of how I've been feeling lately. Like this temple is empty. Nothing happening. No progress. No growth. It's like I've just been sitting here gathering dust.

It's started bothering me a few weeks ago, but I honestly haven't had the energy or motivation to start sweeping out the cobwebs. Then we had book club last night. My precious sisters helped me remember the truth........

This temple is NEVER abandoned. The Holy Spirit lives here! So what's with the darkness and cobwebs? Well, the Sarah part of the temple cut the power off a few months ago. What happens to a house with no power? It gets hot and dirty and uncomfortable and no one wants to live there. What an amazing thing that the Spirit would dwell in a place that I made so uncomfortable. To think I am so loved is, well, hard to imagine.

So why did I cut the power? I let myself get busy. I got busy and started listening to Satan and his long list of excuses for why I wasn't taking the time to plug in to my Power Source. It included things like "I'm too tired" and "I'm responsible for so much that I deserve time to rest." How did I rest? TV. Stinky, useless, tool of Satan TV. and...........Food. Sweets to be exact.

Here's another amazing gift - God has protected me from my own sin. I have indulged, I have given in to the cravings of a food addict - yet God has kept me from defeat on the scale. He has allowed my defeat of spirit to remind me that I can not do this (this being any and every thing!) without His power, but He has protected me from "yet another failure" on the scale. Isn't God amazing?

So, here I am. I started this remodeling effort a year ago. Right now I feel in some ways much like I did then. Ready to make a change. The difference is that right now I can look back at the last twelve months and see exaclty how much God accomplished in me. Yesterday morning I felt defeated by the stagnation in my "downsizing." (seriously, I've been in the same 5 pound bubble since Thanksgiving) My friends helped me realize though that this isn't failure - it was me measuring on my time and my abilities. So today I am joyous and grateful for the work God has done in me and I will submit again and again to His demolition and rebuilding so that He can create me anew.

Father - Thank you for this journey. Thank you for all the success you have carried to fruition. Thank you for sisters that are willing to call me out when I need it. Thank you for living in a hot, dirty, stinky temple and waiting for me to realize I need to turn the power back on. Lord today I ask that you fill me light. Let your breath blow the dust and cobwebs out of every corner. Show me the inner rooms of this temple that need to be cleaned out and even closed off. Shine the light of your love in every nook and crany so the faults are visible and can be restored by you. I love Lord and I am so sorry I unplugged from you. Thank you for reminding me that I am absolutely incapable without you. Lead me Lord - I will follow.

Monday, February 25, 2008

Refueled and Catching Up

I know it's been way too long since I posted. Forgive me. I've been a bit busy adjusting to our new routines and trying to get caught up on things around here. We've been fighting off sickness and well, truth is, I've been in a writing funk. I'm ready to get through it though so I figured this was the best place to start.

My last post expressed how I was feeling before I went to the National WOF conference. Let me just say that God is good and God is faithful. I came back from that weekend ready to get moving on all fronts. I heard countless speakers - all of which had some nugget of truth that encouraged and inspired me- and was uplifted by some tremendous musical talent. I think that best part for me was being refilled with love - in particular, love for my Smooch! When I left town my prayer was that I could get some rest, both physical and mental, and that I could come back home with a more positive attitude towards my sweet hubby. I have to say that really none of the speakers spoke to this particular need. But God is so faithful. Somewhere in the midst of being encouraged in this journey with Tripp and inspired to move forward in this writing/teaching path, I was completey filled with the realization that my husband is a gift from God. (It helps that at one point when I called to check in he was cleaning the microwave! And no, he hadn't made a mess in it, he was just cleaning it because it needed cleaning.) I left my pity party behind and came home so grateful and happy to have such a wonderful man leading my family. He is a gift and I cherish him daily.

So, what have I accomplished since I got back? Not enough, but I'm making progress. Here's the bullet update:

Excercise: not happening

Food: It was bad for a while before I left, but is definitely getting better. We have made the gluten free tansition at home. I think I just need to make that a complete mental shift for those times when I'm out running around -boils down to NO MORE FAST FOOD!

Writing/Teaching: I taught another Wednesday night class last week. I was a bit frenzied from the day's schedule so I thought the lesson came out disjointed. I received a lot of positive feedback though so I'm marking it up - as always - to God doing His work despite me! I'm scheduled to teach two lessons for morning ladies' class in March so I need to get going preparing for those. I also had a friend ask me if she could give my name to a church looking for someone to speak for a weekend retreat. I told her, "I'm supposed to say yes even though that scares me." Don't know if that will turn into anything, but even agreeing to let my name get thrown in the pile is an accomplishment to me.

Clutter Control: Finally making some progress here. I actually got in Paris' room with her yesterday and cleaned it up! Seriously, that hasn't happened since Christmas! I was very proud of her - she chose lots of things that should just get thrown out, given to Vivie, and even a whole bin of stuff to garage sale! There were a few tears, but overall it was a great success. I've also cleaned out her closet as well as Vivie's closet. I've been through all the 24M/2T clothes and have them ready for Spring/Summer. I even got the stuff they've outgrown sorted and bagged for either garage sale, save for later, and give to Lindsay (a friend that I send our "pass arounds" to). Now I need to find a way to get some furniture painted so I can get the craft stuff organized.

So, there you have it folks. I have been refueled by my Father and am catching up on things around here. This Temple Remodel feels like it's been on hold for a while, but I think the real truth is that God's been working on some inner rooms while the exterior took a break. His work is always more beautiful than mine so even though I've felt frustrated I realize that the "end product" will be more than I can imagine because I'm letting him guide the process. Have a good week and don't forget to let God be your Project Manager!

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

In Need of Healing

That is the best way to describe me at the moment. I'm in need of some R&R. Some divine water to quench my soul. Food from the Father to refuel my weary body. And I will get quite a bit of that this weekend at the Women of Faith conference!

Last week I found myself at the doctor with chest pain. That will certainly make you sit up and pay attention. Truth is, I'd had this pain before - off and on over the last 6 years or so. It always came after having a baby and/or while breastfeeding on of those babies. Well, last Wednesday morning sometime before 6:00 am I tried to roll over in bed and felt this horrible pain in my chest. It stayed with me all day Wednesday and since I couldn't tie it to childbearing or nursing this time I figured I better get it checked out. I fessed up to my Smooch that I was in pain and going to the doctor the next day. That's the scary news. The good news is that it is absolutely nothing cardiac related at all. I have costochondritis. There is a lot of inflammation where my upper right-side ribs join the breastbone. Nothing major, just painful. So I've been on a bunch of meds ranging from steroids to muscle relaxers and I have to ice my chest (except it's really like icing my boob) daily. It's getting better, but today was a busy day and I can feel it. That accounts for the weary body.

My soul is thirsty as well. I have been doing some good things. I taught that Wednesday night class and the following week I taught Wednesday morning class. We had a good book club meeting and I'm excited to start reading our next book when it comes in this week. I have been praying A LOT. I think I'm just learning in a whole new way how much I NEED God. Yesterday I called on Him in desparation to please remove the fear and anxiety that was consuming me and replace it with His peace and strength so I could get through Tripp's ARD. He is faithful. We made it through and things are looking really good. You'll have to go to Monkey Dance if you want more details.

Today I am relieved and deflated. Last week I made the comment that my tanks were feeling a little empty. If last week was empty I'm just running on fumes right now. I look forward to a weekend of renewal with friends, family, sisters, and most importantly, my Father. Until I return.........

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Teaching Tonight

So, the big night has arrived. Satan has been trying hard to keep me distracted from the task at hand. In about 5 hours I will be teaching the Women Encouraging Women class at church. I wish I could say I've spent my week preparing, but I've actually spent my week caring for my kids. Paris & Tripp have the flu. Paris has the worst of it. She actually had 105 temp last night! Not fun. Tripp seems to be doing better today. No fever so far. But, despite the sickness abounding in my home, I'm going to teach class tonight. Easy is coming home to watch the kids so I can go. He called earlier and said he wasn't feeling so good so it looks like he might be coming down with it. I think Satan really wanted me to bail, but it's not happening. I'm excited and nervous and mostly I just don't want to trip and fall or burp in the middle of my lesson. Say a prayer for me friends - it's a first step in a new part of the journey!

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Quick Update

My eating has been good some days and bad others. I'm still holding in that lovely 3 pound range that I've been in for 3 months now.

I'm struggling with exercise. I've gotten in 1 day since my last post.

I've had a headache since last Friday. Today my doc gave me a perscription to help prevent migraines. We're starting at a low dose and it may take some time to see if it's going to work. Side effects? Take it at night and don't be surprised if your groggy in the morning. Great, I didn't know I could be any groggier than I already am - thus the 1 day of exercise.

I am pursuing teaching opportunities at church. I will be teaching our Wednesday night ladies' class next week and another one sometime in February. I will also be teaching 3 lessons this semester for our Wednesday morning ladies' class. As soon as I get the three pieces of furniture in the garage painted I will be able to move a table upstairs to creat my writing and studying nook. Hopefully by February that will be done.

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Renewal - and I mean it this time

Well, 2008 is here. In the midst of the craziness that was December I seem to have lost track of many things. I won't re-hash all the mistakes and poor choices I made. Instead, my plan is to just fix it and keep moving forward. This week is still crazy as far as scheduling goes so my goal is simply to make better choices with my food and prepare myself through prayer and some time spent organizing things for a new schedule and structure to start next week.

I have gotten very spoiled to sleeping until 7:30 everyday. That ends tomorrow. Paris goes back to school in the morning. I can't imagine it's going to be pleasant for any of us, but I intend to put a smile on my face and be a happy, loving mom when I drag her out of bed. Getting up earlier is clearly going to be part of my new structure. I'm not going to attempt the 5:00 am jogging again. I enjoy jogging, but it was clearly too much and since the "stress" in my life hasn't really decreased I think it best to not push myself there. Instead I plan to get up about 5:45. Two days a week Ill go for a brisk walk before Easy leaves. The other 3 days I plan to do some resistance training with my bands. I also would like to work in some ab/trunk strengthening stuff on my exerball. I'm thinking I will do that each day after the kids go to bed. OK, so that's the physical stuff.

As far as food - mostly just getting back to what I was doing as I lost the 30 pounds. That means getting back off the DP, increasing my water intake, no more splurges on sweets (which I really haven't done a bunch of anyway), and eating more veggies. The other big change that is looming is going gluten-free. Easy and have have done some reading and a lot of talking and praying and we feel like adopting a GF diet is something we must do. There is a lot of anecdotal research out there supporting the positive effects a GF diet can have for ASD kids. In addition, I've learned that sensitivity to gluten can cause a whole list of symptoms (like migraines, fatigue, and IBS to name a few) that are present in other people in our house. We're still in the planning stage, but we got some great resources and things for Christmas that will help us and we intend to have made the change complete by February. We are commiting to a year GF so we can truly see if it makes a difference for our health. Any advice in this area is welcome, and we do ask for your prayers regarding this area of change for our family.

Now on to spirtual development. The book club I'm part of is dedicating this year to reading things that help us identify and implement God's purpose and dreams in our lives. For me this obviously includes writing and teaching. Easy and I have identified a space in the house that is going to be my "nook" to keep papers and things out as I begin trying to organize things I've already written as well as things that are still rolling in my brain. I ask for your prayers most particularly in this area. I don't know where this call to write will take me, but it is clear it is something I must do. I know that spending time with my Father daily is crucial to Him using me in this way so I ask that your keep me in your prayers that I head the Spirit when he prompts the fruit of self-discipline in my life. It will truly be by His power, not mine that I can accomplish anything.

To help in this area I am renewing a commitment I had over the summer. For most of the summer I turned the TV off at 6:00 pm every evening during the week. At the beginning of the fall I told Easy I thought I should just DVR the shows I like to watch and save them for Friday & Saturday evenings - I never followed through with this and have been sucked back into the world of couch potato-ho0d once my kids are in bed. So, here is my renewed commitment....M-Th the TV will turn off at 6:00 pm and not be turned on again until the following day. On Fridays and Saturdays it will turn off at 6:00 until the kids are in bed. As for daytime TV - we're really not home a whole lot in the day so it won't be much of an issue, but I will return to the 9:00 AM turn off time on those days that we are home (excluding Saturday). I will allow it to come back on after 3:00 pm only when they ask for it. (instead of just turning it on as a reflex!)

Okey Dokey. You have my renewed commitments. I know this post was full of logistics, but my hope is that most of them will not be. I want to return to using this blog as a way to share my spiritual and physical remodel - clearly that is more than just a logistical process. Have a great week and my prayer for each of you is that you take a moment and ask God what commitments you can make that will better His kingdom this year.