Thursday, May 22, 2008

Honesty

If you know me well at all then you know that The Princess Bride is absolutley one of my favortie movies. I can typically quote from it without hesitation, but this morning my brain is muddled by a migraine so I will summarize instead. At some point in the film Indigo Montoya (I have no idea if that's how you spell that) speaks about going back to the beginning. When the plan has gone awry and you don't know where to go....go back to the beginning. Fezik (again - spelling?), his giant friend finds him there stumbling drunk and sets about sobering him up so they can get on with the noble mission in front of them....saving the princess from marriage to the not so nice prince.

If I'm going to be honest, and that's why I started this blog, then I need to own that today I am Indigo Montoya. No, I'm not stumbling drunk, but I have over the last 6 months reverted to some habits that are unacceptable when it comes to the care of this temple. So here's the really honest part........

Did any of you notice that the "3 pound bubble" I was in mysteriously grew to a "5 pound bubble?" Well, unless I'm going to call it a 10 pound bubble it's time to own the fact that I've put back on about 10 pounds. I have no doubts about how this happened. Mass quantities of DP and fast food and even a few candy bars! Last night Cherry Jackson talked a little about when we try to fill up with things other than God. That's what I've been doing for 6 months. I quit putting the Word in first and that left me empty. So instead of filling up on the Bread of Life I said I was too hectic and busy so I ate junk instead trying to ease the growing stress in my life.

Guess what - it didn't work. So it's time to go back to the beginning. I don't want to bore those of you who still read this with the details of my daily eating and activity, so instead I will be posting weekly as to my progress. I want to use this blog to write about the process, but I know I need to report the progress too so the details get one post a week and the process gets whatever else I write.

So, as I step back onto the path I veered off of all I ask is that you pray for me. I've said in the past few months that I need help - asked my friends to help "kick my butt into gear." But the truth is that this is between me and my Creator and only He can accomlish in me what needs to be done. So please pray that I am submissive to His work. That I see my fleshly desires for what they are and that when Satan's lies (in the form of negative thoughts/self talk regarding my worth) creep in that I call on Christ to remove them. I'm in tears as I write today friends. Not because I'm sad or upset really, but more because I'm sorry. I'm sorry that instead of going to God I chose to get "stumbling drunk." I ask for His forgiveness and I ask for yours.

4 comments:

Stephanie said...

I love you and I'm here for you whenever or whatever you need. I'm praying for you.

debralynne said...

I'm praying for you. I know you'll get back on track.

Nellie's Nuggets said...

Forgiveness is one of the most precious gifts. Accept it with joy from God and all those who love you as I do.

Every day we begin again.

Marlin said...

"The difference between average people and achieving people is their perception of and response to failure." p. 2 John C. Maxwell in Failing Forward.

As I've watched you and listened to you over the past few months, you've been terribly hard on yourself. Have you made mistakes? Probably - we all do. But even through those mistakes and even through the regression you've continued to move forward. That sounds contradicotry, but God teaches us in everything and even though we feel like we're going backwards He is working in us to help keep us moving forward. He loves you and forgives you - no need to ask forgiveness from the rest of us as I think we're all in the same boat failing daily in one area or another, yet moving on to the call Christ has for us and learning from our mistakes.

I salute you, dear friend for your brutal honesty with your confession, knowing it will catapult you to a new level of faith, inspiration, and influence.

Love you!
Lara