Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Abandoned Buildings

Have you ever seen an abandoned building? Not one that's all boarded up like it was condemned or left because of something terrible, but one that looks like one day everyone just left. The structure still looks the same, the foundation is still there, it's just empty. Maybe it's starting to look a little dirty. Cobwebs and wasp nests are starting to become visible. It's dark. It's empty. Void of life.

That's kind of how I've been feeling lately. Like this temple is empty. Nothing happening. No progress. No growth. It's like I've just been sitting here gathering dust.

It's started bothering me a few weeks ago, but I honestly haven't had the energy or motivation to start sweeping out the cobwebs. Then we had book club last night. My precious sisters helped me remember the truth........

This temple is NEVER abandoned. The Holy Spirit lives here! So what's with the darkness and cobwebs? Well, the Sarah part of the temple cut the power off a few months ago. What happens to a house with no power? It gets hot and dirty and uncomfortable and no one wants to live there. What an amazing thing that the Spirit would dwell in a place that I made so uncomfortable. To think I am so loved is, well, hard to imagine.

So why did I cut the power? I let myself get busy. I got busy and started listening to Satan and his long list of excuses for why I wasn't taking the time to plug in to my Power Source. It included things like "I'm too tired" and "I'm responsible for so much that I deserve time to rest." How did I rest? TV. Stinky, useless, tool of Satan TV. and...........Food. Sweets to be exact.

Here's another amazing gift - God has protected me from my own sin. I have indulged, I have given in to the cravings of a food addict - yet God has kept me from defeat on the scale. He has allowed my defeat of spirit to remind me that I can not do this (this being any and every thing!) without His power, but He has protected me from "yet another failure" on the scale. Isn't God amazing?

So, here I am. I started this remodeling effort a year ago. Right now I feel in some ways much like I did then. Ready to make a change. The difference is that right now I can look back at the last twelve months and see exaclty how much God accomplished in me. Yesterday morning I felt defeated by the stagnation in my "downsizing." (seriously, I've been in the same 5 pound bubble since Thanksgiving) My friends helped me realize though that this isn't failure - it was me measuring on my time and my abilities. So today I am joyous and grateful for the work God has done in me and I will submit again and again to His demolition and rebuilding so that He can create me anew.

Father - Thank you for this journey. Thank you for all the success you have carried to fruition. Thank you for sisters that are willing to call me out when I need it. Thank you for living in a hot, dirty, stinky temple and waiting for me to realize I need to turn the power back on. Lord today I ask that you fill me light. Let your breath blow the dust and cobwebs out of every corner. Show me the inner rooms of this temple that need to be cleaned out and even closed off. Shine the light of your love in every nook and crany so the faults are visible and can be restored by you. I love Lord and I am so sorry I unplugged from you. Thank you for reminding me that I am absolutely incapable without you. Lead me Lord - I will follow.


Stephanie said...

Love you! I'm here for you.

Marlin said...

Glad to see you posting again! Even though I was there last night, It's good to read what your heart received. Sometimes when we just lay it all on the line in front of God and everyone else, it lights a fire underneath us. I certainly don't see you as a failure by any stretch of the imagination! I do, however understand the stale, stagnant feeling in your soul. Feed off the Bread of Life. Be still and listen. You will hunger and thirst no more.

I love you!


Irene said...

THIS is a precious post! I think I unplugged w/you. I've thought of you often in the past couple of weeks and have not picked up the phone, maybe I was afraid to be called out? I'm sorry! Thank you for using your gift of writing to encourage and awaken. Miss you!!

Kate said...

Sarah, you are amazing - just wanted you to know I hear you and am thinking of you. A fellow food addict and Christian, I resonate with everything you've said. Much love to you from your long lost church camp friend in Chicago.