Friday, May 11, 2007

Some Thoughts

Consumption: Has been going pretty well. I've be hydrating better and waiting for hunger. We still have some cookies in the house so I've had some "sweets," but I haven't overdone it by any means. I feel good about this area this week.

Exercise: Walked at the mall with Kara yesterday. I also began making plans with Kara, Erika, & Stephanie about how we are going to handle the summer and keep our sanity while making time to get healthy. I think the support of these friends is gong to go a long way in the remodeling efforts.

Clutter Control: I'm in the process of catching up on laundry. I'm still behind from everyone being sick. If only we could just not make dirty clothes for a day or two..........I've also been preparing for our Big Cook tomorrow. I've got my meal calendar done and my grocery list almost done. I'll be doing the bid shop late this evening and then we will cook all day tomorrow. This time I even planned side dishes ahead so that we will have more veggies in our diet!

Spiritual Development: I've been dong much better in this area this week. Being sick really threw a wrench in my daily morning time, so I'm happy to be getting my habit back. I'm still reading in Luke in the mornings and a few things jumped out at me in the last few days.

First, in Chapter 16:19-31 there is the story of the Rich Man and Lazarus. I'm honestly not sure I've ever noticed this passage before. What struck me was what it says about the dynamics of our life after our physical bodies are gone. The rich man is being tortured in hell and looks up to see Abraham and Lazarus....and then he has a conversation with them! It never really occurred to me that those in heaven and hell would be able to see each other, much less have a chat. In the conversation, Abraham goes on to explain that we have all we need here in our lives to find faith - we just need to listen and believe. If we can't listen to what God is already saying, chances are we won't listen to a risen dead man (Lazarus in this story). Interesting.

This morning I read Luke 17 and the first part of 18. 17:10 says "So you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say,'We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty.'" (NIV) This stood out to me because I have been struggling a great deal with a sense of unworthiness as of late. I started reading Captivating this week for book club and the first few chapters have already spoken to me a lot on this issue. I think what I am beginning to realize is that I must embrace my humanity and that I alone will never be worthy. God is my father and just like I love my children regardless of what they have done on any given day, He loves me. I also have begun to see that God made me, a woman, with this innate struggle. We feel a desire to be pursued (just like God desires for us to pursue Him!), and when I do not feel pursued or desired in my life then I begin to feel there must be something wrong not with what I'm doing, but with who I am. The beauty here is that God pursues me daily! I am always loved and pursued. Now I just have to figure out how to allow God's romance of me to fill me up and not get so focused on wanting things/people on this earth to validate my worthiness. I do believe that God set up marriage to mirror His relationship with His church and thus we should be pursued, desired, and romanced by our husbands, I just don't think we should define ourselves and our self-worth based on that alone. Our husbands are, after all, merely human and they will fall down on the job at some point. God's love and pursuit of us will sustain us - we just have to let Him provide. Sounds good in theory, I'm just struggling in the application.


Marlin said...

You're right! The application is the hard part. I'm realizing as I too read, Captivating, that there are reasons why I feel the way I do about myself. The trick for me is to pursue God to have him fill that need and not look to my husband. I'm being reminded of something I learned in another book that I need to trust my husband, but not put my faith/trust IN him. My trust/faith is to be in God alone. As is my self-worth, my courage, my strength, my alilities, and my dreams. I want to be an important part of a great adventure and with God, I know I will be! Sarah, you will be to - after all, HE NEEDS YOU!

Toppooch said...

Just checking in on you! I know I never comment much but I hope it helps to know my thoughts and prayers are with you! Love ya!