Wonderful Wednesday

Consumption: 1 Chocalate Cerry TAMRB, 1 HEB water, 2 cups French Vanilla coffee, 1 Dr. Pepper (late in the day after fighting a headache all day), 2 chicken salad snuggles (if you don't know what a snuggle is, go read my other blog!), 1 "healthy" peanut butter cookie, small bowl leftover chicken casserole and small serving leftover broccoli-carrot casserole, small fry frm Mc Donald's (with the DP - when nothing else is working, salt and caffeine usualy help the headache)

Exercise: WooHoo!!! Walked 6 laps at Tanglewood park while pushing the double stroller with T&V in it. Paris rode her bike - she may be sore today. I'm not sure how long the trail is, but I think it's about a half mile. That means I covered 3 miles with intentional exercise today! (and so did Paris!) It felt great and I woke up today (Thursday) with more energy than I've had in quite a while!

Clutter Control: The usual laundry and kitchen keep-up. Sorted through toys in living room to remove the ones that belong in a bedroom as well as pull some out to take to the re-sale shop. I got Paris' room cleaned and organized last week and I plan to hit Tripp's this week!

Spiritual Development: This would be where I slipped. After talking to Irene at our usual time I hit my snooze button and woke up when Vivie started crying at nearly 7:30. I did have some "alone time" while the kids were resting this afternoon, but I talked on the phone and vegged out in front of the TV nursing my headache instead of grabbing my Bible and having some quiet time. In the words of my wise nearly 5 year old daughter - "I think I made a poor choice."

Quick Catch Up

Well, it's been almost a week so I thought I'd better catch up! We went to my Nana's for the holiday weekend. That resulted in way too much Dr. Pepper consumption. I'm going to have to start taking my own drinks I think when I go. We are out of XS so that's part of the problem. Anyway....too much soda and Nana food left me bloated and feeling like I could go days with out eating. I'm glad to be back home and returning my body to it's more normal state. It was a very relaxing trip though. Mom and I even went and got pedicures!

I'm meeting friends this morning to walk. I also went digging in the "attic" and found my xertubes yesterday. I got online and ordered the book that has all the exercises so it should be here soon. (I used to have a video, but we don't have a vcr anymore and they don't make it on DVD) So, I'll be able to add in some exercise on the days I'm not walking.

My book club met Monday night. It was an emotional evening. We had read Captivating by John and Stasi Elderidge. There were some things in the book that we all disagreed with and some concepts we didn't really connect to. There were also many things that really hit us deeply about who we are as women, God's creation, His reflection, His daughters. It was a good night and I feel more comfortable in my skin as a result of some of the things I read and we discussed. We will be reading Beth Moore's Beleiving God next and meeting the first Monday in July. I look forward to getting started. I've realized that I've always believed IN God, but beleiving what He says is a different story. I often fall prey to Satan's ploy that God's promises simply don't apply to me. Surely, he couldn't want to use me, or bless me if He really knows me and all I've done. Right? Satan is a tricky dude and I'm ready to silence those "thoughts" and move on to a closer relationship with God.

Wednesday

Not much time to post, so I'll make this fast.........

Consumption: Did great until after the kids were in bed. Easy wasn't home yet and I totally binged on cookies. It was so clearly an emotional binge too - why don't I see that before I do it? Anyway, the cookies are all gone so it won't be an option again.

Exercise: Didn't actually do any, but I did meet with my girlfriends and we set up a walking and accountability schedule for the summer.

Clutter Control: Nothing major - just keeping up with laundry and dishes.

Spiritual Development: Spent my morning quiet time in prayer over some issues that havebeen weighing on me. I felt much lighter when I was done and it helped my morning go very smoothly. It's always amazing to me how you can feel physically lighter after unloading your "burdens" to God.

Tuesday

Consumption: Started the day with a TAMRS (chocolate w/ banana & peanut butter), had a bacon & tomato sammie for lunch with a handful of Cheetoes, half a bowl of beef stew casserole for dinner (new recipe - probably won't make it again), 3 lemon cookies and a half plate of nachos (just cheese on chips) because I was hungry from not eating all the stew stuff at dinner. Drank 1 HEB water and 1 Dr. Pepper.

Exercise: None.

Clutter Control: Did some laundry, kept the kitchen caught up,, and got all the wood floors swept. I would've gotten them mopped, but I played with Paris someduring rest time, and we took Tripp for a haircut late in the afternoon.

Spiritual Development: Continued reading Captivating. It really is very good. I am begnning to understand more how some of my "issues" are clearly attacks by Satan. I am looking forward to continuing the book and to Monday evening when we discuss it. Easy and I are also reading a book called Sheet Music. It's about sexual intimacy in marriage, written by Dr. Leman. We haven't even gotten through the first chapter (he's been reading it aloud to me at night) and I already know it will be a book that changes some things for us. The very first time I brought easy to church with me when we were dating Foree preached about sex. The gist of the sermon was that within the structure marriage it is not only important but essential and that it should NEVER fall to the wayside. At the time I was mortified (seriously, his first visit to my church and the preacher kept saying sex?!?!), but it was a great lesson that is being revisited by us now in this book. Due to the very persoanl nature of this book I doubt I will post much about it, but it is another way that I will be learning about God's design for my life so I thought it was worth mentioning.

Monday

Well, it was a not too bad day for a reset.

Consumption: I did pretty well here. I onlya te when I actually felt physical hunger. I did eat past full at dinner though. Easy & I ate at LaMadeleine's. Stopping at full when eating out is still a challenge for me. Pluse they were gving away free samples of a new pastry they are going to start selling on Tuesday.

Exercise: Nothing formal, but I did quite a bit of moving around. I spent 2 hours in the morning organizing the church nursery with a friend and when I got home I did some cleaning. Much less sitting than my "normal" day.

Clutter Control: Got caught up on dishes. This took two loads in the dishwasher and a big bunch of hand washing. Got caught up on washing towels. Cleaned all three bathrooms minus floors and showers. Floors will get done today. My bathroom took a while because it had gotten VERY cluttered. Everything is back in it's place now and the room looks twice as large!

Spiritual Development: I'm using all my quiet moments to finish the book I'm reading for book club. I left it at my folk's house for a week so I'm a little behind. I'm reading Captivating. I've read most of it before and I am amazed at hoe differently it is speaking to me this time. More on that later. (Vivie is crying for breakfast - I gotta go!)

Reset!!

When I was a kid and not doing well at the video game I might be playing I would very simply hit the reset button and start over. There were some games that I reset on A LOT! I think this is kind of like that. Last week was challenging. We wound up loosing all 4 kittens. The kids wrapped up their pre-school year and Paris graduated. She is officially done at Sonshine School and "ready" to start kindergarten. I took Viv to the doctor and she on ANOTHER round of antibiotics. I'm really getting frustrated with that. There were good things too. Easy took me to Christopher's for my birthday on Friday. I go to spend some time with my folks as we looked at possible places for Nana to live her locally. It was just really busy. This week promises to be just as busy schedule wise. I thought about just waiting and hitting reset after the Memorial Day weekend (which I'll be spending at Nana's house!), but I think it's silly to wait. One of the things I know I need to work on is maintaining a healthy lifestyle in the midst of stress and hectic schedules. So, I hit reset today. Check back late tonight (or in the morning) to see how the day went.

How Goes It?

Well, it goes. Things have been a little crazy as of late. Consumption has been mediocre. I spent some time at my mom and dad's and that's never good fo rmy eating habits. It's like since I'm not in my normal "busy" life I get bored and find myself snacking way more than I need to. Exercise hasn't been at all since I last posted. We did our big cook on Saturday so I was on my feet working all day - that must count for something. I'm looking forward to settling into a new routine that include exercise next week when school is out. (Tomorrow is the last day!) Clutter control has been mostly keeping up. As I mentioned we did our big cook on Saturday so I have dinner for the next 3 months in the freezer ready to go. This time I even planned appropriate side dishes so my weekly grocery shopping will be easier and we can start including more veggies in our diet. All that being said, let me tell you about yesterday................

Here's what I was suppoesd to do:

Drop kids at school at 9:00. Meet friend at the mall to walk and then make our gameplan for a summer of fun, keeping our sanity, and loosing a few pound along the way. Go home for lunch and make grocery list. Pick kids up at 1:30 and take to a friends house. Get hair cut at 2:30. Go to the grocery store. Pick up kids. Get a shower and shower the kids (usually done simultaneously). Feed kids and leave them with a sitter to attend a meeting for our business.

Here's what actually happened:

Go to load kids in the car for school and see what I think is a dead kitten in my driveway. (our garage cat was expecting) Drop kids at school. Tell friends I'll be there as soon as I can. Come home to give laboring cat some water and a clean box to finish having kittens. Discover that Rufus (the cat) doesn't know how to be a mommy and wind up spending the entire morning tending to her kittens. (cancelled plans with friends) The one in the driveway wasn't dead, just abandoned. I had to rub them all down and tear away their placentas and then hold the cat in the box so they could nurse. I saw her through #2 and #3 and then I had to go tend to my busy afternoon. I prayed there wern't any more kitten coming since she just ignored them when she had them. As I pulled into the church parking lot my serpentine belt frayed and started peeling. Foree (our preacher) helped me trim it. I arranged with my friend Kara to help me get it to the shop. Cancelled hair appointment (for the 3rd time). Wound up spending all afternoon at Kara's with the kids while we waited for the belt to get replaced. Finally got the burb back, picked up Easy's dry cleaning and got home with just enough time to take a shower and make the meeting with Easy. Discovered Rufus had #4. Took care of the kitten and made Rufus get in the box and nurse them some. Put dinner in oven. Discovered the baby had 101.2 temp. Cancelled the sitter. Ate dinner. Put kids to be early - except Vivie who didn't go to sleep until 9:30. Checked on cat - made her get in box and nurse the kittens again. Vegged until Easy got home around midnight.

This is the kind of day that could have sent me clear over the edge. And trust me, I was a little stressed out. But, I didn't loose it. I didn't even cry. I laughed with my mom about what I was having to do with the kittens. I spent some good quality time with my friend Kara who got to see Tripp in his happy funny manic state - she laughed a lot! At the end of the day I had a suburban that works, a family that was fed and safely tucked into bed, and four new kittens that were all alive and holding their own (Driveway, Stroller, Quilt, & Last are the temporary names.) God was clearly present in my day, keeping me sane, giving me the courage to tend to kittens even though I was grossed out, giving me peace when my burb broke down, blessing me with a good friend like Kara, and showing me that whatever my plans are for a day - He's got His own and He will see me through it.

Thank you Lord for being so present in my life. I know that at some point I will look back and see that yesterday was one of the days when the only footprints in the sand are yours. Thanks for the lift. Now, can today be a little easier?

Some Thoughts

Consumption: Has been going pretty well. I've be hydrating better and waiting for hunger. We still have some cookies in the house so I've had some "sweets," but I haven't overdone it by any means. I feel good about this area this week.

Exercise: Walked at the mall with Kara yesterday. I also began making plans with Kara, Erika, & Stephanie about how we are going to handle the summer and keep our sanity while making time to get healthy. I think the support of these friends is gong to go a long way in the remodeling efforts.

Clutter Control: I'm in the process of catching up on laundry. I'm still behind from everyone being sick. If only we could just not make dirty clothes for a day or two..........I've also been preparing for our Big Cook tomorrow. I've got my meal calendar done and my grocery list almost done. I'll be doing the bid shop late this evening and then we will cook all day tomorrow. This time I even planned side dishes ahead so that we will have more veggies in our diet!

Spiritual Development: I've been dong much better in this area this week. Being sick really threw a wrench in my daily morning time, so I'm happy to be getting my habit back. I'm still reading in Luke in the mornings and a few things jumped out at me in the last few days.

First, in Chapter 16:19-31 there is the story of the Rich Man and Lazarus. I'm honestly not sure I've ever noticed this passage before. What struck me was what it says about the dynamics of our life after our physical bodies are gone. The rich man is being tortured in hell and looks up to see Abraham and Lazarus....and then he has a conversation with them! It never really occurred to me that those in heaven and hell would be able to see each other, much less have a chat. In the conversation, Abraham goes on to explain that we have all we need here in our lives to find faith - we just need to listen and believe. If we can't listen to what God is already saying, chances are we won't listen to a risen dead man (Lazarus in this story). Interesting.

This morning I read Luke 17 and the first part of 18. 17:10 says "So you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say,'We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty.'" (NIV) This stood out to me because I have been struggling a great deal with a sense of unworthiness as of late. I started reading Captivating this week for book club and the first few chapters have already spoken to me a lot on this issue. I think what I am beginning to realize is that I must embrace my humanity and that I alone will never be worthy. God is my father and just like I love my children regardless of what they have done on any given day, He loves me. I also have begun to see that God made me, a woman, with this innate struggle. We feel a desire to be pursued (just like God desires for us to pursue Him!), and when I do not feel pursued or desired in my life then I begin to feel there must be something wrong not with what I'm doing, but with who I am. The beauty here is that God pursues me daily! I am always loved and pursued. Now I just have to figure out how to allow God's romance of me to fill me up and not get so focused on wanting things/people on this earth to validate my worthiness. I do believe that God set up marriage to mirror His relationship with His church and thus we should be pursued, desired, and romanced by our husbands, I just don't think we should define ourselves and our self-worth based on that alone. Our husbands are, after all, merely human and they will fall down on the job at some point. God's love and pursuit of us will sustain us - we just have to let Him provide. Sounds good in theory, I'm just struggling in the application.

Tuesday

Consumption: 1 Cherry Blast XS, 1 100 calorie pack nutter butter granola bar, 1 Peach HEB water, 2 bean & cheese HEB breakfast burritos, Chicken sandwich and pasta salad, 1 XS sugar-free sport drink, 2 Dulce de Leche cookies (the last two so now they won't be tempting me!)

Exercise: Does mopping the floors count?

Clutter Control: 1 load of dishes and a bunch of handwashing, 1 load of laundry, swept and mopped dining room, kitchen, breakfast room and ducky bath

Spiritual Development: Fell asleep during my quiet time while praying. I may have to start praying out loud. That always feels silly to me, but as my good friend Lara pointed out in her blog, SPEAKING things is a whole different ballgame than just thinking them.

This is the Saddle...........

.........and this is me getting back in it. It was one rough week around here. We had a sick mommy, sick kids, scorpion stings, and a camping trip to prepare for that ended up being a Daddy-Daughter trip. Even though it was disappointing to not go on the church family camp-out, I know Easy & Paris had a blast and the little ones and I had a very quiet and relaxing weekend. Today, however I must continue my disinfecting efforts that began yesterday. All the bedding is done, but there are still A LOT of toys to be cleaned and sprayed with Clorox Anywhere Spray. I have a doctor apointment for Tripp late this morning to discuss what I think are allergies and hopefully get some relief for his little red eyes and snotty nose. I'll also be talking to the doctor some about his "quirky" behaviors and see what his opinion is. So, that's what's been going on in a nutshell.

As far as my remodel goes.....I'm back in the saddle. I have to date a net weight loss of 1/2 lb. Not exactly what I was hoping for a month in. However, I have had some major breakthroughs in my thinking and spiritual development journey so I'm not complaining. I know that the food and exercise are something I must submit to doing and that I won't see any changes in the physical until that happens. So, I'm ready to saddle up and get moving again. Back to the basics we go................

Whispers in My Ear

Things have been going well. I do intend to return to daily posting, but I will be honest and say that it may not happen until the kids are done with pre-school. (mid May) So for now I'll just keep posting when I can.

Eating has been pretty OK. I'm waiting for hunger and I'm not eating near the quantity I was before, but my choices still aren't the healthiest. I'll be working on that.

Exercise continues to be a challenge. I walked on Tuesday at the mall. I'm having a hard time figuring out how to make exercise a part of my DAILY life. I have a plan for including walking during the summer, but it's not something that I'll be ablt to continue in the fall. Of course, my whole world may change in the fall if I start working some so maybe I should just focus on what I can do now and worry about changing it when I have to.

Clutter control has slacked off due to the sinus yuck I've had. It started last Wednesday and is running a long course in me. I'm barely keeping up with neccesities right now.

Big things have been happening in the spiritual realm though. I went to the Ladies' Retreat and boy did I get touched! On Friday night we went through an exercise that really made me weak in the knees. We split into to groups and my group's instructions were to just stand there with our eyes closed. Next thing I know someone whispers in my ear that they appreciate what I do for the kids on Wednesday mornings at church. The third whisper I got was that I am a good mom. It was the one in the middle though that I know was meant to change how I think. Someone whispered in my ear, "God needs your help." It wasn't "Hey, God's working on this project and if you want to help that would be cool" or "God needs help, do you know anyone good enough?" Instead it was very clear - God needs MY help. I still haven't a clue what all God will need my help with, but I'm standing ready with a listening ear and open heart. Later in the weekend I was in a break out session on prayer and we naturally spent some time alone praying. I was praying about a relationship in my life that is weighing heavily on me. The answer I got was again very clear..."Quit praying FOR her and go pray WITH her." I plan to do so.

We also had our first book club meeting over the Sheila Walsh book. It was great. A good mix of backgrounds and world views. No judgement. Total acceptance and even some loving pushing and stretching. There is something powerful about four women who love God sitting down and being totally honest with each other. We are reading Captivating by John & Stasi Elderidge now. It's sort of the coutnerpart to Wild at Heart. I'm looking forward to it as we all expressed some level of struggle with who we are as try to be the wife, mom, friend, servant, leader, etc...that God wants us to be. I'm sure I'll have more to say on that as I read through the book.