Pitiful Performance

That sums up my opinion of how I did this week. I ran one day, I've eaten fast food 3 times, and I haven't had my quiet time all week. I wish I could give you an explanation, or at least rationalize it somehow, but I've got nothing really - except that I let Satan get the best of me this week I think; convincing me daily it would be better to stay in bed than to get up and meeet my Lord under the stars. My energy level has stunk it up big time. My head has been so-so this week - I took an Imitrex yesterday and I can tell I'll be taking one again before I leave for work today. I did go to the doctor about all that on Tuesday - she wants to run some blood work (which I'm doing today) and do a brain scan (CT) to be sure we rule out any other medical causes for the increase in my headaches before she puts me on any medication. I know this is a good thing - she's being thorough. It also stinks because in the meantime I wait and pray that I don't have headaches. And even though I know the brain scan is really to rule things out it's a little unnerving to know that my doctor feels a need to look at my brain - that there is even a remote possibility that some thing is wrong with my brain. Of course, after a week like this I'll just be happy to know that they actually find my brain in there and I have indeed not lost it completely!

I do have one bit of VERY good news to report - 4 years ago my cholesterol was 212. That's bad in case you don't know. After the changes I've made in lifestyle over the last several months I'm happy to report my cholesterol is now a beautiful 156! That totally made it worth going to the doctor Tuesday even though she didn't have any answers regarding my headaches. She did ask my something I thought was funny - it was about my sleep patterns. I think that I sleep better right now than I have in a long time. I don't know if that's out of sheer exhaustion or what, but I typically lay down and pass out at night instead of laying there for what used to be hours unable to turn off my brain and go to sleep. So after I gave her that answer she says, "Good, so most mornings you wake up feeling refreshed and ready to get up and start your day?" What? I kind of laughed and said, "Well, maybe twice a week I feel that way." Does anybody feel totally refreshed and ready to get up and get going everyday? Or even MOST days? I think perhaps this is one of the great ills of American culture - we simply have no appreciation for genuine rest.

I'm going to my folks house for the weekend - I always feel more rested after that. There's something about being under my parent's roof that somehow lifts a burden or reduces my stress level. Please pray that we have safe travel and that I return home rested and ready to return to the journey I'm on with renewed focus and energy.

To Know and Not Do

Easy has this saying he uses sometimes that I have always agreed with in principle. He says "To know and not do is not to know." I will admit that I don't always like it when he makes this comment as it often convicts me. My good friend Dasha has argued with him about he validity of the statement. Dasha and I went to grad school together - we have psych degrees and counseling degrees and it is really easy to fall into the belief that "knowing" a truth is a positive first step and therefore you can "know" without "doing." I think the longer Dasha works in the field the more she's agreeing with Easy's statement. I've personally always agreed with it, I just don't like it when he uses it on me. So that's some background...........

I am currently doing a study on the Book of James for Ladies' Bible Class. Foree, our preacher, is also teaching a series on Sunday nights on James. I'm thinking there is something I'm supposed to learn right now from James. Yesterday, as part of the LBC study, I read through the entire book. Chapter 4 verse 17 jumped out at me.

Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins.

Ouch. To know and not do is not to know - it also happens to be sinful. Eeeek. I am a sinner indeed. (or rather, in lack of deed I guess) I think this ties in some with a post from a few weeks back - to know you want more from "church" but do nothing about - sin. To know your body is a Temple of God and in need of serious repair and do nothing about it - sin. I've known for some time that my obesity (which I now beleive is only in the overweight category) was sinful, but I was thinking more long the lines of gluttony - I hadn't really thought about my lack of action to remedy that current state of affairs as being sinful in itself. To know you should give financially to your church and not do it - sin. To know the Spirit is prompting you to make a phone call, stop and visit someone, reach out to a visitor, or pray for a friend and not do it - sin. To know that your spouse is in need of some extra attention, or affirmation, or physical intimacy and not do it - sin. To know that God is calling you to a ministry you feel unequiped for, scared of, skeptical about and therefore not follow His lead - SIN.

This speaks strongly to those who walk around feeling like they are doing "pretty good." You know the mantra - I don't drink, I don't smoke, I take care of my family, I tithe my earnings, I've got checkmarks in all the boxes on my list. Here's the trouble - God wants so much more from us than a checklist of chores. He wants our heart. He wants our life. He wants to call out to us and have us respond with excitement, "Yes Lord! Yes, yes, yes! Whatever it is you need me to do I will do it. Because I KNOW who you are and who I am in you I am willing to make any sacrifice and do all that you ask!" How often is that our response? Not often enough for me.

Scripture tells us over and over that God has work planned for us, that He will bless our efforts when in accordance with His will. So why do we so often hesitate? Because Satan busys us with life on this earth. We allow our focus to become work and soccer practice and PTO and housecleaning and we think we simply don't have time. Sometimes we get so busy with life on this earth that we don't make time to converse with God. If we aren't conversing with Him, how will we ever even hear what it is He has planned for us to do?

OK, my thoughts are starting to splinter so I better close this for now. As for this week - I encourage you all to listen closely to the whisper of the Spirit in your life. If you know He wants you do something, do it. And have peace and confidence that you just "passed" one of the many trials of your faith.

A Better Week

Well, it was definitely better this week. I ran three days (MTF). I am discovering how very important sleep is to me these days. I think it contributes a great deal to the headaches (lack of sleep that is). On the days I am in bed by 10:00 I have no trouble getting up to run. If I don't hit the sack until after 10:30 it's a whole other story - and if I do get up and run I usually wind up with a headache. You wouldn't think 30 minutes makes that much difference, but I guess the truth is I'm either in bed between 9:30 & 10:00 or not until after 11:00 - that's a more significant difference. So, next week I will focus on trying to get to bed at a consitent (and earlier) time.

I had a scripture jump out in a big way for me this week. It spoke strongly to me, and I have "given" it to three friends that needed it this week as well - So, I'll share it with you too!

So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to perservere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.

Hebrews 10:35-36

Have a blessed weekend.

Where I am

is a place of frustration - I feel like my body is betraying me. No, I haven't put any pounds back on. I'm talking about pain - head pain to be exact and I'm sick and tired of having it. After that 3-day migraine I had a little while back I was very ready to talk to my OB/GYN about them when I had my yearly appointment this last Thursday. She's always treated my migraines because they are hormonally realted. After a long talk with her we decided it is time for me to see another doctor. The headaches are still hormonal, but not all of them. She's tried everything she knows to try with me over the last 5 years so I'm going to see my "regular" doctor on the 18th to see what she can do to help. I happen to know that she suffers from migraines too so I think she will be very understanding and aggressive in getting them under control. The good news from my yearly visit was all the kudos my doc gave me for the weight I've lost and the efforts I'm making to get healthy. You want the really not good part of Thursday...................


worst migraine of my life. I was literally laying on Tripp's bed in tears. I had to move from the couch to take him to the potty and we went to his room to get dry undies (he tends to pre-dribble a bit). I couldn't get up off the bed. I finally had Paris bring me the phone and called Stephanie to come help because I wasn't sure when Easy would be home and the kids were hungry and Vivie was in her playpen fussing and....well, I couldn't get myself together. I've always been able to get myself together. It was truly humbling to depend first on my 5 year old daughter to help me, and then on my sweet friend. I don't even remember seeing her face when she was here, I just know she showed up and fed my kids and helped Easy get them all squared away for bed time. I am so greateful for my girlfriends.

Needless to say, this beast of a headache kept me from running on Friday morning. (I did run on Thursday and I cut a lot of time off my last run) I am so frustrated. I don't even know what triggered this one. It wasn't hormonal. There were no storms blowing through. I didn't eat or drink anything out of the ordinary. I don't like taking medications, but at this point I am so ready to go to the doctor and have her tell me there is something I can take that will prevent this from happening again. It's time for preventative medicine - the treat it when it happens approach isn't cutting it anymore.

So, that's how my week ended up. I did purchase my book for book club this month and will start reading it this weekend. I will also be starting a study of the Book of James for Ladies' Class this week. I will probably start using that study as my morning quiet time.

Father, please help me this week as the rest of my schedule falls into place. Please keep the migraines away until I can see my doctor and then help me to understand what she says and choose the best treatment possible so these things won't continue to interfere with my daily life so much. Thank you for Stephanie who was so willing to grab her kids and head over here at a second's notice to help me. Thank you for a husband who didn't fuss or complain or even whine that I was out of comission with no notice and he was having to do stuff I normally do. Thank you for my precious daughter and for answering her prayer to make my head stop hurting that night. You are a mighty and graciouse God and I know that even though the experience was unpleasant, many lessons were taught on Thursday. Stephanie taught her boys what it is to be a friend. Paris saw first hand that you answer her prayers. I learned that my precious baby girl isn't shy about raising her hands to you and asking for what she know you will deliver. Thank you for all those lessons. I love you Lord. Amen.

Feeling Better

Well, I had a bit of an allergy attack the last few days. I'm blaming it on the people who baled hay on the corner of the street leading to my neighborhood and all the lot owners who decided to mow their acre in my neighborhood. It kept me in bed yesterday - the Reset button didn't quite get pushed I supposed. Anyway, I was up and moving this morning. I trotted myself out the back door to discover......rain. So, I did a workout viedo in the living room. I'm hoping to actually get back on the street tomorrow.

Had a great book club Monday night. I'm excited about the next book we are reading......I'll up date my current reading list later.

Anyway, just wanted to be accountable on the exercise.....hope you are all having a good day!

Reset (again)

Remember a while back when I blogged about the reset button? Well, I'm pushing it again. Last week was a tough one. There were lots of things happening. Paris started school, Tripp had an appointment with his speech therapist, I was starting my new job at church, Tripp got sick, Vivie was (is) cutting a tooth, etc... I don't know if was the stress of all that happening or what, but I only made it through mid-week before I fell off the health wagon. I did do my video workout Wednesday morning, but that was the last time I exercised! Lack of sleep Wednesday and Thursday nights kept me in bed just trying to get enough sleep to function on Thursday and Friday. My eating was so-so. The weekend was more of the same. I actually had pizza twice. My poor body wasn't quite sure what to do with that. I honestly expected the scale to show a weight gain after all that, but somehow - by the grace of God - I still managed to drop some pounds.

I intended to get things going again this morning, but with Easy home from work for the holiday I just couldn't pass up the opportunity to snuggle and snooze with my Smooch. Paris even wound up in our bed at some point so we had family snuggle time until I got up at 6:30. So, today I'm hitting the reset button again. I had a good breakfast and I'm determined to get back in the swing of things. T&V start Sonshine School tomorrow and I actually start keeping my office hours at work. Next week will be the final transition into my crazy fall schedule. We will add in keeping P&E (children of some friends at church) for 4 hours on Mondays and going to Ladies' Class on Wednesdays. I'm glad it's hitting in phases like that. I think I might not have made it if everything had started at once.

Book Club is meeting tonight at my house. I am excited to discuss The Pursuit of God with my friends. It is a very impactful book. I still have a bit to finish, so I'll get that done today. I have come away from it realizing how much more I want to know God and to spend time with Him. I realize that my logistical life makes it a challenge to find any bulk time to spend with Him on a daily basis, but I look forward to learning new ways to stay connected throughout my day and more than anything I want to learn how to and be better at teaching my children that our relationship with God is so much more than mealtime and bedtime prayers.

So, today, I solicit your prayers as I need to Reset my routine and still have two challenging weeks ahead as my fall schedule solidifies. I have no doubt in a month's time it will simply be "what we do" around here, but the transition into it is proving to be a little more challenging than I anticipated. Peace be with all of you as you are falling into your schedules as well.