So, I'm not sinking, but I certainly don't feel like I'm making forward motion these days. This week has been as crazy as last. Swim lessons finished today so I can at least get hooked back up with my walking buddies next week and return to my "normal" structure. I think that will help some. I've been beating myself up a bit because I feel like I've been eating a lot of junk. The funny part is that what I'm now considering junk is still WAY healthier than my normal food was three months ago. Things like the yummy dessert my mom taught me how to make with sugar free fudge-pops, sf cool whip, and natural pb. Like I said, WAY healthier than cookies, but to me it now seems like junk food. I've been thinking about why the last two weeks have seemed so challenging to me and here's what I've come up with...............
I walk in circles. I think we all do actually. I think the particular circle I got caught in this time is this: I try hard to loose weight, I try programs & groups & systems, I realize I need God's help, He provides me with help, I start to do well, I think I don't need help anymore, I struggle, I regress, I try hard to lose weight.
I'm currently in the I struggle part - I think I've actually shifted my circle a bit because I've realized what is happening and am making every effort to not start over but instead go straight back to the Source of all help and all good things. I do think Satan has been captivating my thoughts lately and as scripture tells me I need to take those very thoughts captive once again. Those thoughts are for God and by letting Satan have a party in my brain I'm short-circuiting the whole system. I guess the good news is that I don't really feel like I'm having to push reset this time. Instead it's more like I've been on pause and all I have to do is push play and I can continue on the journey without having to go back to the beginning. So, how do I push play? I think I have to ask God to push it for me. Daily, on my knees, I need to ask God to be my remote control - the beautiful part is that He isn't so "remote"! My God is a very hands-on dude. Just ask my friend Kara - her example has inspired the last few weeks as she had stepped out on faith and let God truly lead her life in any direction He sees fit. I know she and her family will be blessed by her faith.
I guess that's it for now. That was probably too many mixed metaphors for one post, but that's just how my brain is working right now. If you think my thoughts are hard to read and follow, you should try living with them!
Pray for me sweet friends, I need God's strength and courage to propel me forward in more than one area of my life right now. I know all to well that if your tread water for too long you eventually get tired and start to drown. I want to swim ahead and reach the other side where I can live in joyful obedience to a Father I know has plans for me.