So God is calling me in some new directions. Or maybe they are old directions that He is reminding me He wants me to go. Sorry, I'm not ready to be too specific here. What I can say is that it's kind of like standing in a river.
The river is clear and calm and the perfect temperature. You can see your bare feet if you look down. Then it rains. One of those flash flood kind of deals that you are not prepared for at all. The river isn't so clear anymore, can't see your feet. The water is moving quicker, and it's rising. Just about the time things are starting to settle something up river shifts. A change in a life that isn't your own, but touches you none the less. It's a torrential flood up there. You can see the water coming downstream. There's a lot of it. You know God is in control of it, but it looks scary. It just may wash you away. You can trust Him. He won't let you drown. Here it comes....................
Quick, grab a branch! Hold on with all you've got. Don't ever let go. Even if you survive the rapids, you don't know what lies ahead. There could be deep murky waters, or maybe drought. It's safe here. You know this river. It's never hurt you before. Just stay put.
Trust Me. I will wash your sins away. I have work for you to do. Things you can't even imagine await you. Trust Me.
But you're a weak swimmer! You can't do this on your own. You'll never make it. This is SCARY! Don't let go!
Let go and trust Me.
Friends, pray for me that I listen to the voice of my Father and not that of satan. Help me as my sweet friend Kara did tonight to let go of the that branch one finger at a time until I'm washed clean down stream into the life God has planned for me - no matter what that looks like.
So you let go. Your listen and you let go. You have faith in His provision so you let go of what is comfortable and familiar. You toss and tumble through raging waters and waterfalls. And just when you think you can't possible take another moment, there is peace. As you catch your breath and stand in the smooth crystal clear water you look back at the path you took and in it you see all the beauty of God's creation. And you know that you have been created anew in Him. Now you are free to move with the flow of the river, whereve it might take you.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Monday, March 2, 2009
Natural Disaster
This temple is flooded with tears of grief, yet the foundation sings out songs of praise.
Father, we love you.
We worship and adore you.
Glorify thy name in all the earth.
You are the one that we praise.
You are the one we adore.
You give the healing and grace our hearts always hunger for.
Father I don't understand but I know that You are LOVE. And your love for Brad was made complete today. I believe you work all things for good. Help me with my unbelief.
Father, we love you.
We worship and adore you.
Glorify thy name in all the earth.
You are the one that we praise.
You are the one we adore.
You give the healing and grace our hearts always hunger for.
Father I don't understand but I know that You are LOVE. And your love for Brad was made complete today. I believe you work all things for good. Help me with my unbelief.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
2009
Well, Happy New Year to the handful of you that still check in on this blog! I know I haven't been very good about updating here - sorry about that. So, in the spirit of reflection here is a brief catch up on the physical part of this remodel............
Total weight lost since launching this blog: 45 pounds - original goal weight acheived!
I've been working with a dear friend since May and she has really helped me learn a lot about how I eat and what changes need to be made. With her gentle guidance I have decided to drop my goal weight by another 5 pounds and I have set a "naked max." That is the maximum I allow myself to weigh when I'm naked - the way I always weigh at home.
So, here's the plan for this coming year:
Goal: 145 pounds
Naked Max: 153 pounds
Food: Continue to monitor closely both the sugar and fat content of my food. Increase fresh fruits and veggies (again). My main goal when it comes to food this year is to learn how to keep it going year round. I do REALLY well in the summer when the schedule is relaxed and I'm at home and have time to prepare food. During the school year I really struggle with maintaining good eating habits - especially since I started working 2 part-time jobs. So that's what I want to defeat this year. I realize it will take some planning and weekend prep work but I think it will be key in finalizing the changes I've already made.
Exercise: Yeah, this is still on the list. Truth is I have only exercised in spurts since beginning this journey. I believe comepletely that it is time to change that. Though I have dropped the weight I intended to drop, I do not yet feel healthy and I know it has to do with fitness and not scales. So, Easy and I are looking at some ways that we might be able to walk, and maybe run eventually, together. I do still have that treadmill in my room, I did purchase a handweight/video workout back in October, and my hubby bought me the Wii Fit for Christmas. With all of those options I should be able to do something in this category every day! But, I'm also realistic so for now I'm going to set a goal of intentional physical activity 3-4 times a week. I need your prayers for this one guys - it is the part I have never truly submitted to as an adult and I know it is crucial for my health.
Spiritual Development: I'm in a very different place than I was when I started this blog. God has not only removed physical pounds from me he has stripped away many layers of of dust, mold, and mildew that I had hiding in the dark corners of this temple. My prayer is that he continue to seek out the rooms I don't even know exist and help me create in them what He wants to see. I have to say that it has been quite striking to me to see all the pictures that have been taken in the last 3 months. The thing that jumps out at me is not how much smaller I am, but rather the look on my face. In every single picture I see peace and joy. It has truly been over 10 years since there was such consistency in the underlying peace in my life. Even in those times when I'm mad at it all I still have peace and joy - possible only through the Spirit. I pray that this year brings more of the same and that when He is ready that God will lay a path for new ministry and show me what my role is.
Clutter Control: Yeah right. No seriously, we'll just have to wait and see how thing go. I've realized I can only do so much and of all the things I started being accountable about on this blog this category is the least important. So, my goal for 2009 is simply to keep up. If I can keep my bathrooms clean and the dishes and laundry at a manageable pace then I'll be happy. And when those times come that I simply can't stand the chaos anymore I'll call on my dear friend Erika to come and help me clear it out and start over. I know not everyone can function that way, but I'm OK with it and it means more time focusing on the important stuff.
So, there you go guys. That's what I'm shooting for in 2009. I feel I should offer the obligatory "I'll post more often" promise, but I don't want to make promises I can't keep. So instead I'll just say that I'll post when I can, when the Spirit lays something on my heart that needs sharing, when I'm desparate for your prayers, and when I want to invite you to celebrate in His success. Happy New Year everyone - I pray blessing will abound in your life in 2009!
Total weight lost since launching this blog: 45 pounds - original goal weight acheived!
I've been working with a dear friend since May and she has really helped me learn a lot about how I eat and what changes need to be made. With her gentle guidance I have decided to drop my goal weight by another 5 pounds and I have set a "naked max." That is the maximum I allow myself to weigh when I'm naked - the way I always weigh at home.
So, here's the plan for this coming year:
Goal: 145 pounds
Naked Max: 153 pounds
Food: Continue to monitor closely both the sugar and fat content of my food. Increase fresh fruits and veggies (again). My main goal when it comes to food this year is to learn how to keep it going year round. I do REALLY well in the summer when the schedule is relaxed and I'm at home and have time to prepare food. During the school year I really struggle with maintaining good eating habits - especially since I started working 2 part-time jobs. So that's what I want to defeat this year. I realize it will take some planning and weekend prep work but I think it will be key in finalizing the changes I've already made.
Exercise: Yeah, this is still on the list. Truth is I have only exercised in spurts since beginning this journey. I believe comepletely that it is time to change that. Though I have dropped the weight I intended to drop, I do not yet feel healthy and I know it has to do with fitness and not scales. So, Easy and I are looking at some ways that we might be able to walk, and maybe run eventually, together. I do still have that treadmill in my room, I did purchase a handweight/video workout back in October, and my hubby bought me the Wii Fit for Christmas. With all of those options I should be able to do something in this category every day! But, I'm also realistic so for now I'm going to set a goal of intentional physical activity 3-4 times a week. I need your prayers for this one guys - it is the part I have never truly submitted to as an adult and I know it is crucial for my health.
Spiritual Development: I'm in a very different place than I was when I started this blog. God has not only removed physical pounds from me he has stripped away many layers of of dust, mold, and mildew that I had hiding in the dark corners of this temple. My prayer is that he continue to seek out the rooms I don't even know exist and help me create in them what He wants to see. I have to say that it has been quite striking to me to see all the pictures that have been taken in the last 3 months. The thing that jumps out at me is not how much smaller I am, but rather the look on my face. In every single picture I see peace and joy. It has truly been over 10 years since there was such consistency in the underlying peace in my life. Even in those times when I'm mad at it all I still have peace and joy - possible only through the Spirit. I pray that this year brings more of the same and that when He is ready that God will lay a path for new ministry and show me what my role is.
Clutter Control: Yeah right. No seriously, we'll just have to wait and see how thing go. I've realized I can only do so much and of all the things I started being accountable about on this blog this category is the least important. So, my goal for 2009 is simply to keep up. If I can keep my bathrooms clean and the dishes and laundry at a manageable pace then I'll be happy. And when those times come that I simply can't stand the chaos anymore I'll call on my dear friend Erika to come and help me clear it out and start over. I know not everyone can function that way, but I'm OK with it and it means more time focusing on the important stuff.
So, there you go guys. That's what I'm shooting for in 2009. I feel I should offer the obligatory "I'll post more often" promise, but I don't want to make promises I can't keep. So instead I'll just say that I'll post when I can, when the Spirit lays something on my heart that needs sharing, when I'm desparate for your prayers, and when I want to invite you to celebrate in His success. Happy New Year everyone - I pray blessing will abound in your life in 2009!
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Still Standing
Yes, this Temple is still standing, but my foundation feels weak. Things have been tough since school started. On the physical part of this remodel I have lost another 5 pounds. I'm officially in the same size pants I wore when Easy and I tied the knot 10 years ago - though I really don't think that's an accurate measure since pants fit very different these days. The mental, emotional, and spiritual has been rough though.
I finally came to the realization that I've been blocked in my relationship with my Father and it's because I'm mad. I'm mad that this is my life right now. I'm mad that Tripp has autism. I'm mad that Paris is a drama queen and she failed her vision screen at school and might need glasses. I'm mad that Vivie still poops in her pants sometimes. I'm mad that Briley, the new dog we got for Easy, needs to be housebroken and played with a lot and that's my job. I'm mad that I need to work 2 part-time jobs just to keep my kids cared for, dressed, and in the appropriate therapies needed. I'm mad that my husband works in Houston and is gone from 6-7 evereyday - and that's really a good day. I'm mad that God wants me in this exact spot.
Somehow in admitting that I'm just plain mad - there is releif. There was a time in my past that I was mad like this. I didn't think it was OK to be mad. Certainly not OK to be mad at God. That resulted in a several year depression which led to much of the disrepair this remodel has been fixing. Today, I know it's OK to be mad. And it's OK to tell God that I'm mad. Even more amazing is the fact that I get tell God I'm mad and then ask Him to help. I can give him all my anger and He'll know what to do with it. I can pray daily that He give me spot of joy in the midst of these days that have me so infuriated. AND HE DOES.
Yesterday Tripp actually, really, truly, played with us. We were all five on the couch having an all too rare moment of family bliss and he jumped up, shout "Tripp is hiding," and ducked behind the end table. It took me a minute to catch on because it was so unexpected. After inquiring in my best playful mommy voice "Oh my! Where is Tripper?!?" he jumped up and shouted "Here he is!" It was awesome! He then proceeded to lay on the ottoman and act like a cat. Real pretending. Wow. Joy.
Thursday night Easy made dinner when he got home. Joy.
As we were leaving school Thursday Vivie said to Ms. Brandi "Bye Sooga Booga!" (Sugar booger) Hilarious joy.
Paris giggled with me as we did our very very joyful "It's Friday" chant and dance yesterday afternoon.
Last Saturday Stephanie kept my kids while Erika came and helped me clean out the kids' rooms, my dining room, kitchen, and utility room. Grateful joy.
I am indeed so very blessed. Being mad doesn't negate that. It is my prayer that everyday I can see more of the joyful blessing than the anger. I know God is leading me and that He will walk side by side or even carry me through this time. In that there is great peace. Pray for me that the peace will grow and grow until the anger is swallowed up by it.
I finally came to the realization that I've been blocked in my relationship with my Father and it's because I'm mad. I'm mad that this is my life right now. I'm mad that Tripp has autism. I'm mad that Paris is a drama queen and she failed her vision screen at school and might need glasses. I'm mad that Vivie still poops in her pants sometimes. I'm mad that Briley, the new dog we got for Easy, needs to be housebroken and played with a lot and that's my job. I'm mad that I need to work 2 part-time jobs just to keep my kids cared for, dressed, and in the appropriate therapies needed. I'm mad that my husband works in Houston and is gone from 6-7 evereyday - and that's really a good day. I'm mad that God wants me in this exact spot.
Somehow in admitting that I'm just plain mad - there is releif. There was a time in my past that I was mad like this. I didn't think it was OK to be mad. Certainly not OK to be mad at God. That resulted in a several year depression which led to much of the disrepair this remodel has been fixing. Today, I know it's OK to be mad. And it's OK to tell God that I'm mad. Even more amazing is the fact that I get tell God I'm mad and then ask Him to help. I can give him all my anger and He'll know what to do with it. I can pray daily that He give me spot of joy in the midst of these days that have me so infuriated. AND HE DOES.
Yesterday Tripp actually, really, truly, played with us. We were all five on the couch having an all too rare moment of family bliss and he jumped up, shout "Tripp is hiding," and ducked behind the end table. It took me a minute to catch on because it was so unexpected. After inquiring in my best playful mommy voice "Oh my! Where is Tripper?!?" he jumped up and shouted "Here he is!" It was awesome! He then proceeded to lay on the ottoman and act like a cat. Real pretending. Wow. Joy.
Thursday night Easy made dinner when he got home. Joy.
As we were leaving school Thursday Vivie said to Ms. Brandi "Bye Sooga Booga!" (Sugar booger) Hilarious joy.
Paris giggled with me as we did our very very joyful "It's Friday" chant and dance yesterday afternoon.
Last Saturday Stephanie kept my kids while Erika came and helped me clean out the kids' rooms, my dining room, kitchen, and utility room. Grateful joy.
I am indeed so very blessed. Being mad doesn't negate that. It is my prayer that everyday I can see more of the joyful blessing than the anger. I know God is leading me and that He will walk side by side or even carry me through this time. In that there is great peace. Pray for me that the peace will grow and grow until the anger is swallowed up by it.
Friday, October 3, 2008
Tired
It's been a long day. When I got to work this morning I was told that my friend Juanita had a heart attack this morning. Juanita is the secretary at our church and she makes working in the office an absolute delight. I was stunned. I went in with the rest of the office staff to spend some time in prayer. We were given a few more details and I found myself unable to speak. Within an hour of that I received the news that my friend had gone Home. She is rejoicing with angels and experiencing joy that I can't even fathom. I thank God for her life and for the ways she touched mine. And I'm sad.
As I was leaving the office I began praying in the car. All I could say is that I'm tired. I'm tired of loss. I'm tired of cancer and lung disease and hurricanes. I'm tired of migraines and autism. I'm tired of hospitals and medical bills and broken relationships. I felt myself almost ranting at my Father that I am just TIRED of this life! And then I felt His gentle quiet voice remind me that "this life" isn't what it's about. It's not about the pain and the frustration or the sadness and heartache. What it is about is remembering WHO it's about. Not me.
Father, I am so mixed up before you today. I am truly joyful that your servant Juanita is home with you. But I am sad that I will not see her perky smiling face at the office next week. I am sad for her family and I pray that we can extend your love to each of them as they deal with this loss. Help me remember that each of us who loves you will one day spend eternity with you. We will sing with angels and give you the glory that our human minds and voices cannot truly express. I love you Lord, and though I SO don't understand why there is so much pain here, I know you love us and that is what I hold on to. May your peace and love be felt by everyone that is missing their friend today. Amen.
As I was leaving the office I began praying in the car. All I could say is that I'm tired. I'm tired of loss. I'm tired of cancer and lung disease and hurricanes. I'm tired of migraines and autism. I'm tired of hospitals and medical bills and broken relationships. I felt myself almost ranting at my Father that I am just TIRED of this life! And then I felt His gentle quiet voice remind me that "this life" isn't what it's about. It's not about the pain and the frustration or the sadness and heartache. What it is about is remembering WHO it's about. Not me.
Father, I am so mixed up before you today. I am truly joyful that your servant Juanita is home with you. But I am sad that I will not see her perky smiling face at the office next week. I am sad for her family and I pray that we can extend your love to each of them as they deal with this loss. Help me remember that each of us who loves you will one day spend eternity with you. We will sing with angels and give you the glory that our human minds and voices cannot truly express. I love you Lord, and though I SO don't understand why there is so much pain here, I know you love us and that is what I hold on to. May your peace and love be felt by everyone that is missing their friend today. Amen.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
40
40 is a big number. 40 days and 40 nights it rained on Noah and the crew of the ark. 40 years the Israelites wandered in the wilderness. And today I get to report that I've lost 40 pounds. It feels like the journey hasn't been unlike the stories mentioned above.
In the misdt of the wilderness God handed out some amazing blessings. Water from rock, manna, lights for guidance, etc... So too in the midst of this journey has He given me some amazing things. From tiny blessings like the DP being sold out at the machine when I was having a weak moment (this happened more than once!) to sending me comfort and hope as our journey with Tripp has progressed. God is faithful and though I don't think I'm truly out of the desert yet, I am not afraid because I know God will lead the way. I sort of feel today like the dove came back with a twig.
I'm also remembering that there were people occupying the promised land that had to be fought and kicked out. For far to long I've let Satan squat in my promised land. I know that he will always fight for space there. It is my daily prayer that God give me the strength and guidance to take back what He has given me. A life of peace and joy, strength and comfort, and most importantly for me in this moment is a life of confidence that God's love is never ending and His provision constant.
I know it's been a long time since I posted here. My sweet friend gave me the evil eye about that today after I weighed in and told her what I saw on the scale. So Stephanie, this post is for you. I thank you for being such a big part of my journey. For loving me all along the way, for celebrating when I celebrate (I forgive you the ugly tongue-sticking-out moment today), and for crying with me when I cry. You and your friendship are definitely one of the many blessing God has sent me.
So, if any of you still read this Remodeling effort, please know that I am, as I always will be, in a state of renovation by the Master Carpenter himself. Let it be the same with you and please pray that I stay the course God has laid out before me.
In the misdt of the wilderness God handed out some amazing blessings. Water from rock, manna, lights for guidance, etc... So too in the midst of this journey has He given me some amazing things. From tiny blessings like the DP being sold out at the machine when I was having a weak moment (this happened more than once!) to sending me comfort and hope as our journey with Tripp has progressed. God is faithful and though I don't think I'm truly out of the desert yet, I am not afraid because I know God will lead the way. I sort of feel today like the dove came back with a twig.
I'm also remembering that there were people occupying the promised land that had to be fought and kicked out. For far to long I've let Satan squat in my promised land. I know that he will always fight for space there. It is my daily prayer that God give me the strength and guidance to take back what He has given me. A life of peace and joy, strength and comfort, and most importantly for me in this moment is a life of confidence that God's love is never ending and His provision constant.
I know it's been a long time since I posted here. My sweet friend gave me the evil eye about that today after I weighed in and told her what I saw on the scale. So Stephanie, this post is for you. I thank you for being such a big part of my journey. For loving me all along the way, for celebrating when I celebrate (I forgive you the ugly tongue-sticking-out moment today), and for crying with me when I cry. You and your friendship are definitely one of the many blessing God has sent me.
So, if any of you still read this Remodeling effort, please know that I am, as I always will be, in a state of renovation by the Master Carpenter himself. Let it be the same with you and please pray that I stay the course God has laid out before me.
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