First, let me apologize for taking so long to get this posted. I know that many of you have been watching my blog and most likely worrying about me. Thanks you for your thoughts and prayers - it is precisely because of them that I can write this post!
God is good.
In the midst of fight ing the darkness and accepting my current truth, He has continually dropped things into my life reminding me of His presence, His plan, and His love. He is the light in every aspect of my life. Today I want to share with you some of the many things He has put in my life to help shine light on my path as I continue in this journey.
The people - oh the amazing people God has blessed me with. To name a few, my mom, Kara Dennis, Stephanie, Irene, Janice G., Erika, Lara, Ashley, Jenn, my amazing husband, my dad, my nana, Kathy C., Pam Mann, Paula, and the list goes on and on and on. To give you a little more detail on how God is shining His light in my life I want to tell you about 2 of these people in particular - Kathy & Irene.
Irene and I became friends several years ago when we found ourselves working in the nursery together. I actually took her job while she was on maternity leave, and when she came back we got paired up working early service together. She then started working with my for Ladies' Class and took my spot when I was on maternity leave. Irene is precious. She's a friend that I can call and say, "I need you to pray about something for me," nand know that she will. One of Irene's sons has Autism. They often sat behind us or near us during church and when I would hear her son it always made me smile because I new my friend - who I came to know is an AMAZING mom - was nearby. I always admired Irene and her husband for how well they seemed to handle life and it's many circumstances. Needless to say, when I began having concerns about Tripper I called Irene. Isn't God amazing? Irene and I became friends when Tripp was an infant. Lots of peopel didn't even realize we knew each other because outside of the nursery we weren't really in the same circles of people. But God not only knew we were friends, He planned it that way. Irene is a brilliant shinning ray of God's light in my life!
Kathy and I have known each other for a number of years as well. In all honesty, other than hellos at church and the very rare occaision to chat a minute or two we really had never had a conversation until the last 3 months. Kathy was always someone I wanted to know. She just seemed to me to be so very real, and quite funny to boot! I had her middle daughter in B class a few years ago. This summer I was doing some chidlcare for our pre-school board meeting (Kathy is one the board) and I had her kiddos. During the course of that day Kathy told me that her oldest had been diagnosed with Autism. This was about the same time I was really starting to think that might be what Tripp is dealing with. Then a few weeks later I found out that she and Paula (another name on that list up there) were needing someone to watch two of their kids during the fall semester. I took the job. Did I mention that Kathy uses the same pediatrician we do? I ran into her last fall in the doctor's office while we were in the process of Vivian's millionth (well, not quite) ear infection and found out that they had been through it too - and that they used the same ENT we were using. Fast forward a few months and you'll find me realizing that we have to take our son to Temple. And moments later realizing that Kathy and her family have been down this road - in truth are going down this road only a few steps ahead of us with their second daughter. I told Kathy that we were going to Temple before I even knew for sure that was what would be happening. She is now someone I see almost everyday. And every time I see her I get a hug - and it makes the day better. I know I can cry or laugh or talk or pray and Kathy will listen and join in. God takes everyone on a journey - Kathy's and mine just happen to be along similar paths right now and I am so very grateful that God sent her to help light the way.
Now, how else is God's light shinning? Can we say music? Music has always been soemthing that impacts me strongly. God is using that to send me messages almost daily now.
Every blessing you pour out I'll turn back to praise. When the darkness closes in Lord, stil I will say....Blessed be the name of the Lord, blessed be your name
Many other songs are touching me these days. I'm horrible at knowing who sings what, so I won't try. What I will say is that every time I get in the car I hear something on KSBJ that remind me that he has it under control and he will give me everything I need. I would also like to tell you how God used Mark Shultz.
I went to the Women of Faith conference a few weeks back. Friday night we're all sitting there enjoying ourselves and the host for the night starts introducing a surprise guest. Mark Schultz is there to sing for us all. I thought to myself "I know that name - I think I like his songs." and I clap witht he rest of the arena. My friend Kara was next to me and she was about to come unglued she was so excited. So, I'm listening and enjoying everything and Mark Schultz begins to tell a story. As I listen I realize that he's about to sing a song that has been haunting me for weeks. The song is titles "He's My Son." It's a daddy praying that God will make his son healthy, that God will never leave him, that his wife can have some peace, that he would take his son's place if he could. It is a gut wrenching song - the chorus ends with "See, he's not just anyone, he's my son." He's my son. I've fought back the tears many times listening to this song. As he finishes the set up for it (it was written about a young boy that had cancer) something in me comes unhinged. I began to sob. I leaned over into my mother's open arms and cried and cried and cried. She held me and loved me and let me hurt because she knew it was the first time I'd let myself really let any of it out. I'm told that everyone in our group was brought to tears - I wouldn't know. Al I know is that as Mark Schultz sang that song I wept. And then this amazing thing happened. As the song ended and I struggled to gain my composure Mark says that his favorite thing about that song is singing it knowing that the little boy is now 23 years old and cancer free!!!! Light. God's glorious light of hope and reassurance was so bright that I cried out in joy.
God's light has brightened my days in many other ways, from the love and prayers of all of you to the fact that he created the banana (the only whole food that everyone in my house will eat and enjoy!). God's love shines brightly everywhere I look. I do have to give one more shout out to a friend before I stop writing. My friend Lara recommend a natural supplement that she has used to help her combat depression. We've talked many times about that struggle that we share and I knew that she wouldn't recommend something to me that didn't actually help her. I've been taking it (5-htp) for almost a week know and I can honestly say that I feel better. I don't feel medicated, I still cry, I'm sleeping better. More than any of those physical things though, I feel like I'm better able to see the good things in my life. Sometime we get so clouded with the noise in our head that we need some help calming it down enough to hear God.
I don't know where this journey is leading. What I do know is that God is the one I'm following. The path my not be easy. I may fall. Scratch that, I will fall. There will be times I can't see where to put my next step. There will be tims I feel all alone. There will be dark times. THere will also be places where the path is smooth enough to skip with joy. There will time of great fellowship. And as I continue on this journey it is my fervent prayer that I can in some way help light the path for others.