Thursday, February 18, 2010

Empty

So, it's been quite a while since the last post. I admit that Facebook is getting most of my posts these days. Perhaps that because I only think in 1-2 sentence segments. Today, however, I find myself needing to pour out a little and to ask for the prayers of anyone reading this.

Just in case any of you don't play on FB and missed the posts last fall, Paris was in fact diagnosed with Aspeerger's Syndrome. Since my last post we got the diagnosis, went through the process with the school district and now have appropriate labels and supports in place. We've started her on the same supplement Tripp takes to boost her body's production of glutathione and we are taking her to the therapeutic riding place where Tripp goes as well. She's actually doing really well right now.

I think that's part of why I find myself struggling at the moment. She and Tripp and Vivie are all doing really well. We've moved out of the barely surviving stage we were in for months and are doing well. As my mom pointed out though, when things are going well I actually have time to feel - and it doesn't neccessarily feel good. When I'm in survivial mode I can just work my guts out to get through the day and then pass out so I can do it all over again. There's no time to think or feel. No time to see the things I'm not getting done. No time to see where I'm not being obedient to God's call on my life. But now that things are going better with the kids.................yeah, not doing so great personally.

I think part of it is finally acknowledging that I have to kids with autism. Still hard to say that. Still makes me want to cry sometimes. It's not just that though. Another person that I love dearly was diagnosed with cancer last week. Prognosis is great and I have very little doubt that the treatment plan is going to obliterate the cancer. But, seriously, I'm tired of this! I had a friend tell me recently that I can't afford to sweat the small stuff because my life is full of the big stuff. Well I'm kinda sick of big stuff.

I recently spoke at a women's event at church. It was a message that I enjoyed sharing - that I enjoyed learning - that God put on my heart just for that event. I realize now that since that day I have been under attack. Now, I realize not all of you reading this may truly beleive in spirtual warfare. But I do. And I'm telling you that Satan didn't like the message I shared. He didn't like that in the midst of my life of "big stuff" I still let God give me that message and was obedient in sharing it. He's ramped up his battle against me and I confess that I have faltered. I am struggling. I'd rather hide in bed and eat chocolate than do anything. Actually, I have hidden in bed and eaten chocolate. I'm tired, I'm grumpy, I'm tearful. I was reminded this week at ladies' class how important it is to recognize when we're under attack. Now I see it. Now I can fight it because now I remember that I can call upon the strength of the Lord to get through these days.

Friends - pray for me. Pray that Satan will back off. Pray that I will stand strong in Christ and KNOW that God is God and I am not. Pray that I will rely on the strength of the Lord and heed the stirrings of the Holy Spirit. Pray that I will be obedient and allow God's work in and through me to be done. Pray continually - because I am under attack.

29 comments:

SimmonsFamily said...

Sarah- I JUST had this conversation about spiritual warfare with a friend today. We agreed that I think too many people don't believe in spiritual warfare, but it is very real, and I also feel our family is under attack.

I just want to say a couple of things- first you are such a great mom and P, T and V are lucky to have you. Autism may be not what you had in mind for your family... but God's plan is perfect. Such a hard concept for me, esp since C died. It's out goal to bring our family to Christ, so maybe having autism will teach your sweet kiddos to rely on God in a way that you could have never taught them without. If our bodies are perfect, who needs to rely on God?

I want so bad for things to be perfect, but then how would I draw close to God?

You are in our prayers daily and seriously, Satan needs to get back. St. Michael the Archangel, pray for us!

Nellie said...

You know I'm praying for you in the name of Jesus. :)God is more powerful than any enemy who comes against us. The battle belongs to the Lord, so feel His rescuing arms pulling you out of the pit and the dark. You are precious to Him and to me. Love you my sweet, sweet girl!

Me said...

Sarah: Know that I, too, am praying for you. There are no easy worldly words to take away your pain, frustration and anger. Only God can do that so I pray that you are able to put all your faith and trust in him to face these things. He is good, He is powerful, and He loves you. Sheri

The Robinsons said...

I am so amazed by your transparency. I will be praying for you to continue to hear His will, and for you to have the courage to follow it, regardless of the cost. It sounds scary, but just remember, you're with God.

Marlin said...

Hey Girl! Remember the book we just read - about story - God is the Master storyteller. The plot may not be one we would initially pick, but He's got the whole story all planned out and it's a great one. And at the end of the story - WE WIN! Be strong and courageous. Lean on your friends. Lean on God - for in our weakness HE is made stronger. Keep your chin up and eyes on Christ. Love ya!

Ayvrie said...

I find comfort in knowing that God has already gone before us through the struggle--Yahweh Tsebaoth, the Lord of Hosts, He has rule over every power and He choses that for our good. Thank you for your transparency and know you are lifted to Him each time I see your posts on FB.

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