Abandoned Buildings

Have you ever seen an abandoned building? Not one that's all boarded up like it was condemned or left because of something terrible, but one that looks like one day everyone just left. The structure still looks the same, the foundation is still there, it's just empty. Maybe it's starting to look a little dirty. Cobwebs and wasp nests are starting to become visible. It's dark. It's empty. Void of life.

That's kind of how I've been feeling lately. Like this temple is empty. Nothing happening. No progress. No growth. It's like I've just been sitting here gathering dust.

It's started bothering me a few weeks ago, but I honestly haven't had the energy or motivation to start sweeping out the cobwebs. Then we had book club last night. My precious sisters helped me remember the truth........

This temple is NEVER abandoned. The Holy Spirit lives here! So what's with the darkness and cobwebs? Well, the Sarah part of the temple cut the power off a few months ago. What happens to a house with no power? It gets hot and dirty and uncomfortable and no one wants to live there. What an amazing thing that the Spirit would dwell in a place that I made so uncomfortable. To think I am so loved is, well, hard to imagine.

So why did I cut the power? I let myself get busy. I got busy and started listening to Satan and his long list of excuses for why I wasn't taking the time to plug in to my Power Source. It included things like "I'm too tired" and "I'm responsible for so much that I deserve time to rest." How did I rest? TV. Stinky, useless, tool of Satan TV. and...........Food. Sweets to be exact.


Here's another amazing gift - God has protected me from my own sin. I have indulged, I have given in to the cravings of a food addict - yet God has kept me from defeat on the scale. He has allowed my defeat of spirit to remind me that I can not do this (this being any and every thing!) without His power, but He has protected me from "yet another failure" on the scale. Isn't God amazing?

So, here I am. I started this remodeling effort a year ago. Right now I feel in some ways much like I did then. Ready to make a change. The difference is that right now I can look back at the last twelve months and see exaclty how much God accomplished in me. Yesterday morning I felt defeated by the stagnation in my "downsizing." (seriously, I've been in the same 5 pound bubble since Thanksgiving) My friends helped me realize though that this isn't failure - it was me measuring on my time and my abilities. So today I am joyous and grateful for the work God has done in me and I will submit again and again to His demolition and rebuilding so that He can create me anew.

Father - Thank you for this journey. Thank you for all the success you have carried to fruition. Thank you for sisters that are willing to call me out when I need it. Thank you for living in a hot, dirty, stinky temple and waiting for me to realize I need to turn the power back on. Lord today I ask that you fill me light. Let your breath blow the dust and cobwebs out of every corner. Show me the inner rooms of this temple that need to be cleaned out and even closed off. Shine the light of your love in every nook and crany so the faults are visible and can be restored by you. I love Lord and I am so sorry I unplugged from you. Thank you for reminding me that I am absolutely incapable without you. Lead me Lord - I will follow.

Refueled and Catching Up

I know it's been way too long since I posted. Forgive me. I've been a bit busy adjusting to our new routines and trying to get caught up on things around here. We've been fighting off sickness and well, truth is, I've been in a writing funk. I'm ready to get through it though so I figured this was the best place to start.

My last post expressed how I was feeling before I went to the National WOF conference. Let me just say that God is good and God is faithful. I came back from that weekend ready to get moving on all fronts. I heard countless speakers - all of which had some nugget of truth that encouraged and inspired me- and was uplifted by some tremendous musical talent. I think that best part for me was being refilled with love - in particular, love for my Smooch! When I left town my prayer was that I could get some rest, both physical and mental, and that I could come back home with a more positive attitude towards my sweet hubby. I have to say that really none of the speakers spoke to this particular need. But God is so faithful. Somewhere in the midst of being encouraged in this journey with Tripp and inspired to move forward in this writing/teaching path, I was completey filled with the realization that my husband is a gift from God. (It helps that at one point when I called to check in he was cleaning the microwave! And no, he hadn't made a mess in it, he was just cleaning it because it needed cleaning.) I left my pity party behind and came home so grateful and happy to have such a wonderful man leading my family. He is a gift and I cherish him daily.

So, what have I accomplished since I got back? Not enough, but I'm making progress. Here's the bullet update:

Excercise: not happening

Food: It was bad for a while before I left, but is definitely getting better. We have made the gluten free tansition at home. I think I just need to make that a complete mental shift for those times when I'm out running around -boils down to NO MORE FAST FOOD!

Writing/Teaching: I taught another Wednesday night class last week. I was a bit frenzied from the day's schedule so I thought the lesson came out disjointed. I received a lot of positive feedback though so I'm marking it up - as always - to God doing His work despite me! I'm scheduled to teach two lessons for morning ladies' class in March so I need to get going preparing for those. I also had a friend ask me if she could give my name to a church looking for someone to speak for a weekend retreat. I told her, "I'm supposed to say yes even though that scares me." Don't know if that will turn into anything, but even agreeing to let my name get thrown in the pile is an accomplishment to me.

Clutter Control: Finally making some progress here. I actually got in Paris' room with her yesterday and cleaned it up! Seriously, that hasn't happened since Christmas! I was very proud of her - she chose lots of things that should just get thrown out, given to Vivie, and even a whole bin of stuff to garage sale! There were a few tears, but overall it was a great success. I've also cleaned out her closet as well as Vivie's closet. I've been through all the 24M/2T clothes and have them ready for Spring/Summer. I even got the stuff they've outgrown sorted and bagged for either garage sale, save for later, and give to Lindsay (a friend that I send our "pass arounds" to). Now I need to find a way to get some furniture painted so I can get the craft stuff organized.

So, there you have it folks. I have been refueled by my Father and am catching up on things around here. This Temple Remodel feels like it's been on hold for a while, but I think the real truth is that God's been working on some inner rooms while the exterior took a break. His work is always more beautiful than mine so even though I've felt frustrated I realize that the "end product" will be more than I can imagine because I'm letting him guide the process. Have a good week and don't forget to let God be your Project Manager!

In Need of Healing

That is the best way to describe me at the moment. I'm in need of some R&R. Some divine water to quench my soul. Food from the Father to refuel my weary body. And I will get quite a bit of that this weekend at the Women of Faith conference!

Last week I found myself at the doctor with chest pain. That will certainly make you sit up and pay attention. Truth is, I'd had this pain before - off and on over the last 6 years or so. It always came after having a baby and/or while breastfeeding on of those babies. Well, last Wednesday morning sometime before 6:00 am I tried to roll over in bed and felt this horrible pain in my chest. It stayed with me all day Wednesday and since I couldn't tie it to childbearing or nursing this time I figured I better get it checked out. I fessed up to my Smooch that I was in pain and going to the doctor the next day. That's the scary news. The good news is that it is absolutely nothing cardiac related at all. I have costochondritis. There is a lot of inflammation where my upper right-side ribs join the breastbone. Nothing major, just painful. So I've been on a bunch of meds ranging from steroids to muscle relaxers and I have to ice my chest (except it's really like icing my boob) daily. It's getting better, but today was a busy day and I can feel it. That accounts for the weary body.

My soul is thirsty as well. I have been doing some good things. I taught that Wednesday night class and the following week I taught Wednesday morning class. We had a good book club meeting and I'm excited to start reading our next book when it comes in this week. I have been praying A LOT. I think I'm just learning in a whole new way how much I NEED God. Yesterday I called on Him in desparation to please remove the fear and anxiety that was consuming me and replace it with His peace and strength so I could get through Tripp's ARD. He is faithful. We made it through and things are looking really good. You'll have to go to Monkey Dance if you want more details.

Today I am relieved and deflated. Last week I made the comment that my tanks were feeling a little empty. If last week was empty I'm just running on fumes right now. I look forward to a weekend of renewal with friends, family, sisters, and most importantly, my Father. Until I return.........

Teaching Tonight

So, the big night has arrived. Satan has been trying hard to keep me distracted from the task at hand. In about 5 hours I will be teaching the Women Encouraging Women class at church. I wish I could say I've spent my week preparing, but I've actually spent my week caring for my kids. Paris & Tripp have the flu. Paris has the worst of it. She actually had 105 temp last night! Not fun. Tripp seems to be doing better today. No fever so far. But, despite the sickness abounding in my home, I'm going to teach class tonight. Easy is coming home to watch the kids so I can go. He called earlier and said he wasn't feeling so good so it looks like he might be coming down with it. I think Satan really wanted me to bail, but it's not happening. I'm excited and nervous and mostly I just don't want to trip and fall or burp in the middle of my lesson. Say a prayer for me friends - it's a first step in a new part of the journey!

Quick Update

My eating has been good some days and bad others. I'm still holding in that lovely 3 pound range that I've been in for 3 months now.

I'm struggling with exercise. I've gotten in 1 day since my last post.

I've had a headache since last Friday. Today my doc gave me a perscription to help prevent migraines. We're starting at a low dose and it may take some time to see if it's going to work. Side effects? Take it at night and don't be surprised if your groggy in the morning. Great, I didn't know I could be any groggier than I already am - thus the 1 day of exercise.

I am pursuing teaching opportunities at church. I will be teaching our Wednesday night ladies' class next week and another one sometime in February. I will also be teaching 3 lessons this semester for our Wednesday morning ladies' class. As soon as I get the three pieces of furniture in the garage painted I will be able to move a table upstairs to creat my writing and studying nook. Hopefully by February that will be done.

Renewal - and I mean it this time

Well, 2008 is here. In the midst of the craziness that was December I seem to have lost track of many things. I won't re-hash all the mistakes and poor choices I made. Instead, my plan is to just fix it and keep moving forward. This week is still crazy as far as scheduling goes so my goal is simply to make better choices with my food and prepare myself through prayer and some time spent organizing things for a new schedule and structure to start next week.

I have gotten very spoiled to sleeping until 7:30 everyday. That ends tomorrow. Paris goes back to school in the morning. I can't imagine it's going to be pleasant for any of us, but I intend to put a smile on my face and be a happy, loving mom when I drag her out of bed. Getting up earlier is clearly going to be part of my new structure. I'm not going to attempt the 5:00 am jogging again. I enjoy jogging, but it was clearly too much and since the "stress" in my life hasn't really decreased I think it best to not push myself there. Instead I plan to get up about 5:45. Two days a week Ill go for a brisk walk before Easy leaves. The other 3 days I plan to do some resistance training with my bands. I also would like to work in some ab/trunk strengthening stuff on my exerball. I'm thinking I will do that each day after the kids go to bed. OK, so that's the physical stuff.

As far as food - mostly just getting back to what I was doing as I lost the 30 pounds. That means getting back off the DP, increasing my water intake, no more splurges on sweets (which I really haven't done a bunch of anyway), and eating more veggies. The other big change that is looming is going gluten-free. Easy and have have done some reading and a lot of talking and praying and we feel like adopting a GF diet is something we must do. There is a lot of anecdotal research out there supporting the positive effects a GF diet can have for ASD kids. In addition, I've learned that sensitivity to gluten can cause a whole list of symptoms (like migraines, fatigue, and IBS to name a few) that are present in other people in our house. We're still in the planning stage, but we got some great resources and things for Christmas that will help us and we intend to have made the change complete by February. We are commiting to a year GF so we can truly see if it makes a difference for our health. Any advice in this area is welcome, and we do ask for your prayers regarding this area of change for our family.

Now on to spirtual development. The book club I'm part of is dedicating this year to reading things that help us identify and implement God's purpose and dreams in our lives. For me this obviously includes writing and teaching. Easy and I have identified a space in the house that is going to be my "nook" to keep papers and things out as I begin trying to organize things I've already written as well as things that are still rolling in my brain. I ask for your prayers most particularly in this area. I don't know where this call to write will take me, but it is clear it is something I must do. I know that spending time with my Father daily is crucial to Him using me in this way so I ask that your keep me in your prayers that I head the Spirit when he prompts the fruit of self-discipline in my life. It will truly be by His power, not mine that I can accomplish anything.

To help in this area I am renewing a commitment I had over the summer. For most of the summer I turned the TV off at 6:00 pm every evening during the week. At the beginning of the fall I told Easy I thought I should just DVR the shows I like to watch and save them for Friday & Saturday evenings - I never followed through with this and have been sucked back into the world of couch potato-ho0d once my kids are in bed. So, here is my renewed commitment....M-Th the TV will turn off at 6:00 pm and not be turned on again until the following day. On Fridays and Saturdays it will turn off at 6:00 until the kids are in bed. As for daytime TV - we're really not home a whole lot in the day so it won't be much of an issue, but I will return to the 9:00 AM turn off time on those days that we are home (excluding Saturday). I will allow it to come back on after 3:00 pm only when they ask for it. (instead of just turning it on as a reflex!)

Okey Dokey. You have my renewed commitments. I know this post was full of logistics, but my hope is that most of them will not be. I want to return to using this blog as a way to share my spiritual and physical remodel - clearly that is more than just a logistical process. Have a great week and my prayer for each of you is that you take a moment and ask God what commitments you can make that will better His kingdom this year.

Quick Update

Just wanted to post a quick update. Things are going well. Physically I'm staying in a 3lb range. I guess this is my first big plateau (sp?). I am feeling pretty good. Still having migraines. I'm working a plan to make them better though. I don't have much choice. In the last half of the year I've maxed out my prescription coverage on Imitrex alone so I MUST find a solution. That stuff is expensive! Right nowmy plan is to focus on making good food choices through the holidays and then add exercise back in come January.

Lots going on with Tripp. It's a big month in that area. Hop over to Monkey Dance if you'd like more details.

I have been heeding God's constant nudging to write and teach. I taught our Ladies' Class yesterday and confessed out loud to all those in attendance that I feel God's call to write and teach though I'm not sure what to do with it. My lesson was well received I think. I got lots of encouragement and was reminded that even though I don't yet consider myself a writer, anyone who keeps three blogs is writing! I was also asked to do a lesson for our Sanctuary class sometime after Christmas. I said yes - though the thought of standing in front of all those ladies with a mic on is seriously intimidating! I know God is going to be there though, and with Him by my side I can do anything!

I'll try to post again soon. I want to write up the thoughts I shared with Ladies' Class so maybe I'll get that posted in the next week or so. Hope everyone out there in blogland is getting ready for a great Christmas, and that you remember exactly why it is that this is such a joyous time of year. We are, afterall, celebrating the birth of our salvation! Blessings to all of you!!